Our Corner of the Chaos

Lifting the Shadow

2012-02-06T21:26:00.002-05:00

Slavery is dead. Isn't it? We don't chain people up because of their color or the idea that they are savages, different from "us" (whomever we happen to be) anymore. We don't send people on long voyages far from home in dank, unsanitary hulls that barely pass for ships. We don't barter for a muscular man to work the cotton field or try to get a better deal on a woman and small child to clean our houses. So, since all of these images have passed from memory, there is no possibility that slavery survives....or is there?

Imagine, for a moment, you are seven years old. You are a bright-eyed young girl born into an impoverished family in the countryside of _______. One day, your father, who has not worked for over three years and can no longer feed your mother and brothers, tells you to pack a small bag for a trip into the city. You, suspecting nothing, do so. Your father takes you into the city to the dilapidated shack of a middle-aged woman dressed in ragged clothing. A small sum of money is exchanged, and you are left with this woman as your father, without a word, turns and walks away. The woman orders you into a small, make-shift bathroom and orders you to wash with water from the dirty, cold bucket on the floor. Terrified, you oblige. She refuses to return your clothing and pushes you roughly through the door into a closed off area with a small, dirty mattress. Through the curtain, you hear whispers of the old woman's voice mixed with that of rougher tones, surely a man's voice. You catch snatches of the conversation...words that mean nothing to you....HIV...virgin...cure. After a few moments, the rough voice ducks low and comes through the curtain. He is a tall man, over six feet, muscular and imposing. He has recently become aware that he is HIV+ and, in your part of the world, it is a common belief that sex with a virgin will cure him of this and he will not die. At seven years old, your virginity is guaranteed. He reaches for you roughly and pulls you to him....the pain is like nothing you've experienced before. There is so much blood...

This is the face of modern day slavery. Seven, eight, nine year old girls are thrust into prostitution by desperate parents, grandparents or siblings looking for money to feed their families or pay off crippling debt. The reasons are varied; the results are not. There are more slaves at this exact moment in time than there were in the entirety of the Atlantic slave trade's existence. The vast majority of these slaves are young girls under the age of 12. They have no knowledge of their own biology, much less sex and prostitution. They have never been to school. They know only pain and suffering, often torture, at the hands of their brothel owners.

Yoga journal called this abomination a shadow on humanity, and it has become my goal in the coming year to do all I can to lift the shadow. I am committed to raising a minimum of $20,000 in the next eleven months, in collaboration with the non-profit organization Off the Mat and Into the World, to lend support to organizations that work on the ground in India raiding brothels, rehabilitating victims and raising awareness about what it really means to deliver your own child into such a fate. If I am successful, I will travel to India for two weeks in 2013 to visit these organizations and work with them to experience first hand the difference they make.

Please take a moment and search your heart. Take a good, long look at your daughters, your nieces, the little girl across the street....Then, if you find that you can help, please do so. Join me in lifting the shadow of modern day slavery, so all children have the chance to run free and dream big.

Click here to donate and be sure to choose Global Seva Challenge from the first drop-down menu and my name, Rebecca Powell, from the second. Leave questions or thoughts in the comments below and please stay tuned for more information. I will be updating throughout the year to include events and opportunities to participate, as well as my own experiences as I navigate this challenge.

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”
-Nelson Mandela

A tale of three Christmas dinners...

2012-01-29T17:48:00.000-05:00


All dressed up!

This past Christmas was a wonderful, but certifiably insane adventure. We were, quite literally, all over the map! We started our trek to Ohio the Wednesday before Christmas, with the hope of spending a few extra days visiting with friends and family who weren't working. That proved to be mildly difficult, as many people had to work or had family plans, but we managed, somehow, to squeeze everyone in! We arrived in OH, greeted by Chris' dad, his dad's fiancee and the perfect post-road dinner: Bahama mamas on the grill! We spent the evening catching up, munching and generally enjoying their company, since it had been several months since our last trip (hey, the end of the year gets busy!).


Strike a pose

The following day was spent playing phone tag with every resident of Columbus, Ohio. Okay, so maybe not that many people, but there was some serious wheelin' and dealin' going on. We managed to get all of Chris' friends in one place that evening, to visit, meet new kids and generally check in on everyone's life. After the whirlwind dinner, we booked it to the one couple who couldn't make it out...due to a newborn...and I spent the evening trying to prove to Chris that my general presence does not automatically make small children cry. I succeeded...for about 30 minutes...then she lost her mind and I gave her back to her mother!

Dinner at The Refectory

Friday, given our late evening, was a sleep in kinda day. We did, however, manage to get moving in time to FINALLY see Chris' mom and have lunch with her and Chris' brother. That's really the rub of getting in early for a holiday. No one else has time off, and you have to squeeze "quality time" in wherever you can. It can be difficult! Friday did, however, bring about our first official Christmas event. Chris' dad and his fiancee surprised us and Chris' brother, along with his fiancee, with dinner at a restaurant called The Refectory. We all got dressed up and hit the town! It was absolutely wonderful! We arrived a bit early and sat for a few minutes at the bar, and then proceeded to enjoy the best meal I've had out in recent memory. The courses were perfectly timed and everything, literally everything, was melt-in-your-mouth delicious. Thank you, PD and CC, for a glorious night out!! After dinner, we returned to the condo for the first round of present opening and a few after-dinner cocktails. This is where things got interesting! In short, we all made out like bandits and have the ecstatic faces to prove it! I will say this, though. There is no one in our family who does a silly face quite like Chris' dad. He definitely gets the blue ribbon on that score!


The de Courtivron boys


Best present of the year!

The next day (I think we're actually up to Christmas Eve at this point), we headed over to Chris' mom's apartment and spent the day hanging out with her. We ran a few errands and helped B finish up last minute dinner prep. Chris' brother and his fiancee came over later in the evening, along with Chris' uncle and we partied late into the evening. The meal, consisting of heavy h'ordeuvres, was pretty much amazing. There were cheeses from France, wild boar bacon wrapped figs, wonderful salads, homemade guacamole...you get the idea. It was a delicious meal for the second night in a row, and I haven't even mentioned the baked goods, of which I ate entirely too many and was dangerously close to slipping into a food coma! As with Friday, we followed up dinner with yet more present opening. This probably would have waited a few hours, but I was so excited for B to open her gift from Chris that I was fit to burst. He spent several hours (no exaggeration) in a shop in TN (see Thanksgiving post) choosing exactly the right vase for his mom, and I'd successfully kept the secret for a whole month. I usually blow these things, so it was a pretty major accomplishment, and I was terrified I wouldn't last much longer...so I made her open it! In a word: success! She loved it!! In turn, Chris discovered that his mom, dad and uncle had collaborated on a wonderful new receiver for his stereo system at home, which I will confess, I'm pretty grateful for, as well! Helllooooo HD worthy sound! All in all, it was a wonderful evening of family and warmth that I won't soon forget!


Morgan likes duck!


My mother's table

The next morning, Christmas Day, found us scrambling to say good-bye and get on the road. Yes, we are those crazy people who travel on the actual holiday just to make sure everybody gets a piece of the pie, so to speak! We said a tearful good-bye to Chris' mom and uncle, dropped in quickly to say adieu to PD and CC, then hit the road, armed with a wonderful care package to get us through until we made it back to Charlotte and my family's holiday meal! Yep, you read that right. Three holiday meals in three days. I was starting to worry that my clothes wouldn't fit! The problem with having a lot of people with cooking skills and otherwise good taste in one family means you inevitably overindulge. I had to detox for a solid two weeks after this ordeal, but I would definitely do it all over again, no problem!!! We arrived back in Charlotte around 6 or so and headed directly to my parents' house for Christmas with them. They had generously kept our pups while we were away, and round three of presents had already been dropped at their house. When we arrived, Mom had shrimp and an italian meat/cheese plate waiting, which we lit into with surprising vigor. Driving makes you hungry!! Of course, we would pay for this later, when we had to find space for dinner as well! Dad and Chris put the finishing touches on the duck with help from my dad's prize pup, while Mom and I set to work with all the rest, arranging it on the table, just so, the way she usually does. Dinner was a raging success. There are few who do a big meal the way my mother does it. I will spend the next 30 years learning from her, trying to remember every detail of her process, so when the time comes, I can reproduce her yearly accomplishment. I have a very long way to go! Following this final triumph of a holiday meal, we moved into the living room for, you guessed it, presents. Again, gifts were thoughtfully chosen and gratefully received, not without a little silliness on the part of both my dad and my mom's pup, Winston! We rounded out the evening with a night cap and some Christmas music, then Chris and I packed up the dogs and waaaaay too many bags, presents, boxes and food containers for the drive, finally, back to Kannapolis. We arrived home just after midnight or so. Walking the dogs in the crisp, cold air, I was filled with gratitude for the beautiful people that had filled the last four day. We rounded off our whirlwind tour with a quiet exchange of gifts on the couch, just the two of us, surrounded by our furry loved ones, grateful for our families and taking comfort and rest in "home port". I hope your holiday, whatever you chose to celebrate, was a joyous and blessed as my own.

Swiss Family Robinson

2012-01-16T10:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, so maybe my title is a wee bit of a stretch. However, I maintain that we spent four days in the "wilderness" with my parents and no one died. Furthermore, we all actually had a hell of a lot of fun. How did this come about? Well, you see, what had happened was....

This past year was our turn to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my parents. We switch back and forth each year, between the two families (which I admit I much prefer to the ludicrous nature of how we scramble around at Christmas). Rather than have Thanksgiving at home, my mom decided she wanted us to have an adventure. Now, if you are at all familiar with my mother, you realize that when she says adventure, it could mean any number of things and you'd better hang onto your hat. This time around, to be honest, it was a fairly mild idea...and a good one!

Off we go!!

So, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we packed up the car, handed off the pups to the dog sitter and headed west to Gatlinburg, TN and a small log cabin at THE TOP of a mountain! The trip took a tad longer than we anticipated. Apparently, it is 3.5 hours to Great Smokey Mountain National Park. It is another 1.5 hours to get THROUGH said park to the small hamlet of Townsend on the other side. I thought Chris was going to pop a vein with the slow speeds (especially since it was a super windy road and he would have loved to go racing around the bends), but we made it to the cabin, nonetheless. The vast majority of Wednesday was a quiet day. We explored our little cabin, unpacked our stuff and stowed our food. We rounded off the day with an easy dinner and a rousing game of Trivial Pursuit (the ancient and parental generation edition). After waaay too many hints and a lot of blatant cheating on all sides, I won :)

Dad works on an incomplete puzzle

Thanksgiving morning dawned cool and crisp. Mom was up at 4am or some craziness to get the turkey cooked BEFORE we left for our hike. This turned out to be an incredibly good idea, as we were freakin' famished by the time we got home! By the time the rest of us were up and going, Mom had the turkey out of the oven, carved, covered and set aside for later...whiz that she is! Dad, on the other hand, had discovered a puzzle that he couldn't quite figure out...mostly due to the fact that it was missing several pieces (a relief to him when I pointed this out). I, for my part, got cozy on the couch with my cinnamon buns and the Macy's parade...a vital piece to any real Thanksgiving celebration!!! However, Chris was getting a touch on the antsy side by the time the parade wound down and Santa made his official appearance!

King of the hill, Top of the heap!

We were impressed with the senior folk :)

So, the turkey went in the fridge and the puzzle went away, and we headed off to do the 5 mile round trip hike to Abrams Falls. As it turns out, this "mild" hike consists of going up and over two mountains and then descending into a gorge to finally make it to the base of the

As close as possible

Defies explanation...

Close enough to feel the spray!

View from the top

Squint really hard...the deer ARE there!

Falls. Sensibly, we did this in hiking boots and workout gear. I did, however, witness three inch heels and skirts along the trail....these people did not get far and, quite frankly, they didn't really deserve to make it. Chris and I bounced along at a fairly decent clip. The trail guide suggested we make it TO the Falls in about 2-2.5 hours. We did it in one, and Mom and Dad brought up the rear about 30 minutes later. Not too shabby for old folk :) Upon our arrival at Abrams Falls, Chris promptly decided that it was an excellent idea to get as close as humanly possible, and that I should go with him (which, of course, I did). Unlike him, however, I did NOT drink the water from the Falls, although, to be fair, it was probably cleaner than my drinking water back home! We putzed around for a few minutes, playing in the water and taking some pictures. It really was quite beautiful! Then, of course, came the long trek BACK. Having used our break time to refuel (trail mix and clif bars), we were surprisingly energetic on the return trip, although the "up" terrain in this direction was quite a bit more challenging. As it turned out, Mom and Dad thought so as well. So, while we waited for them to catch up on a couple of occasions, we played around on rocks and in rabbit holes, etc. Regardless of the difficulty, however, the view from the top of the mountains was truly breathtaking! We finished the entire hike in about 3.5 hours, including a half hour break to play at the Falls. It was definitely exercise, but the kind that leaves you invigorated and ready for more, not spent and exhausted. We finished up our outing with a drive around Cades Cove, one of the most magical places in the Park. If you go in the early morning or late evening, there are usually hundreds of deer littering the fields, complacently chewing grass and creating a perfectly idyllic scene. The first time I went, I was privy to a buck fight and even saw a couple black bears. This round was a bit of a disappointment, but I think it was due to the fact that it was mid-afternoon. We definitely should have waited a few hours, but it was still beautiful...and if you squint and tilt your head, you can almost make out the few deer we did get to see.

Being tired and more than a little bit hungry, we decided it was time to head back for some turkey and all the traditional fixin's of a good southern Thanksgiving. I suppose people all over the country have tasty and aesthetically pleasing meals on this holiday, but I will confess to believing that there's nothing quite like my mother's Thanksgiving....infused with her special concoction of Hungarian/Italian spices, a generous helping of sweet but healthy fare and that ever so slight dash of southern excellence that you almost fail to notice until you experience the holiday without it. It was, in a word, divine, and made all the more so by the notion that we'd definitely earned every last bite!! Not surprisingly, after a quick clean-up, we relaxed, read and napped the rest of the day away.

Pancake breakfast, last day

Adios...or what love looks like

The next morning was an equally beautiful day, which we started with pancakes and left-over yams from the night before. We followed it up by meandering through the artist's loop near downtown Gaitlinburg, my mother's favorite activity in the world to do. Snagged a few one-of-a-kind Christmas presents from some of the potters and topped it all off with the wonderful discovery of a quaint British-style pub at the end of the loop. Shepherd's pie and Guinness is still the best way to end any long day! That pretty much did it for our TN adventure. We packed up shop the next morning, grabbed some great home style breakfast on our way out of town, and stopped for one last photo op along the windy roads. We did, however, decide that we should do this every year. Being that I know a few people who might have an objection to that, we settled on every other...and Mom promised pictures of the ones we miss.

Man Friend turns the big 3-0!

2012-01-12T19:08:00.002-05:00

Chris ready to hit the track!

Katie strikes a pose

This year marked my dear man friend's 30th year on this planet. While the survival of three decades is less remarkable than it used to be, it is still quite an accomplishment in this crazy world to arrive, relatively unscathed, at thirty years of age and be raring to go as you stare into the depths of your fourth decade. As such, I felt it necessary to mark the occasion with more than the average birthday celebration. Now, as many of you know, I freakin' adore birthdays...my own and everyone else's. How great is it that there's a whole day where you can reflect on the impact you make on the world and in the lives of those around you?!?! Such a great way to take stock each year and set goals for moving forward! So yes, there were presents...and yes, there was cake (really f'in good cake, if I do say so myself)..but there was also a gathering of the beautiful people that make Chris' (and my) world bright.

Helmut smooch

Liza, Jacob and Bruce

Because my man is nuts, he is an avid fan of the go-kart. No, I don't mean that flimsy thing your five year old rides at the fair. I mean real, honest-to-goodness karts that go upwards of 40mph and real injury is possible should you crash one of these buggers! Being the indulgent girlfriend that I am, I decided to capitalize on this fascination of his and get a group of his friends together for a karting evening. Our recently hitched dear friends Jason and Katie drove in from Henderson and joined us, along with the best damn dog sitter on the planet, Jacob and one of my best friends, Liza, and her husband. Fellow racing


Bruce waiting for the rest of us to get on with it already!

enthusiasts Tony and Anna joined us a little later in the evening, and it is Anna to whom the thanks for every single picture of the evening should go! Quite frankly, we had a freakin' blast. We raced each other and ourselves; we skidded around corners; Liza decided it would be a great idea to jump a couple walls (and so she did);

Goin' fast, mama!

A happy Birthday dude!

we took a "brake" for cake and then went so fast on the track we made ourselves nauseated...just as fully-grown children are prone to do! We capped it all off with cold brews and greasy pizza, fully realizing that in one's fourth decade, bouncing back from such an evening wouldn't be quite as easy!

Birthdays, the holidays and a few odds and ends....

2012-01-08T21:30:00.003-05:00

Yes, it seems an eternity since I last posted. Life does tend to get in the way on occasion. As usual, much has happened since we last spoke. I had a rather uneventful birthday. The man friend hit the big 3-0! Then, of course there was the craziness of Thanksgiving and the Xmas season to contend with. I promise a colossal amount of information and pictures in the coming days. This is one of those posts that will need segmenting, if for no other reason than to keep me sane! Keeping checking back for the new and exciting :)

Moto GP...or....The day Chris gave me an 8 hour heart attack!

2011-09-24T12:52:00.003-05:00


Coming around to Turn 1

Last Christmas, Chris' family and I went in together to get the man friend a day at a motorcycle track with instruction.

Well, today he cashed in...and I very nearly died....about a hundred thousand times.


Getting ready to head back out after a short break

Nice, calm straightaway...thank God!

Turn 1...or giving his girlfriend heartburn

Every time he took a turn, my heart leaped into my throat and severe nausea set in. The day passed with no major mishaps, however, and I even managed to control my hysteria long enough to get some of it on (hypothetical) film. Enjoy!

Cribs...Kannapolis style!

2011-08-29T17:27:00.000-05:00

Beautiful, roomy kitchen!

Okay, its possible we're not quite ready to battle Beyonce and Jay-z for most lavish house on the block, but people, we have a YARD...an actual, honest to goodness YARD. I know, right?! It's the little things!

If you haven't caught on by now, the man friend and I have moved. We traded in our little University area two bedroom apartment for a three bedroom, two bath rental home right on the Concord/Kannapolis line. The slight downside of being 20 minutes away from north Charlotte is that folks in south Charlotte don't see a lot of us...its just too damn far. We've mostly been able to work around it, though, and when we want something to entertain, we suck it up and trek into the city.

It's small, but if I move the table, its the perfect yoga studio!

The upside of living north of Charlotte includes being closer to work by thirty minutes, having a YARD for the pups to run around in (which they pretty much adore), being able to turn a full 360 degrees in my kitchen WITHOUT bumping the cabinets with my shins, a garden tub, wine glass racks and granite counter-tops. It's an embarrassment of riches, really....all in the exact same square footage as our old apartment, so we don't feel like environmental jackasses. Mostly, though, I just love the idea that we can throw the frisbee in the house for the dogs and our neighbors don't hear the ruckus!

Wine glass racks...such sophistication!

This is what really makes it home!

Our neighborhood is somewhat cookie-cutter, but its populated mostly by young couples with small children. While I'm not a fan of actually interacting with them, its peaceful to drive through in the evening and see the kids playing in the street or riding their bikes without a care in the world. Its a reassuring sign that the handbasket is not completely headed for hell. The pictures are a bit old now, as I took them when we first moved in, but they show off the features I love most about this house really well! Enjoy :)

The Mat and the Motorcycle

2011-08-27T11:47:00.001-05:00

Back in April of this year, coming off a particularly unhappy experience with my yoga-related world, I decided I needed to shift my perspective a bit. So, Easter weekend I sent Chris off to SC for a motorcycle track training weekend and I headed west to Asheville for 48 hours of ashtanga yoga training with Kino Macgregor. For those who don't know, Kino is the youngest woman ever to be certified by Sri K. Pattahbi Jois in Mysore, India to teach the ashtanga yoga method. In short, this woman is no joke.

No joke, indeed. She IS, however, barely five feet tall, ridiculously flexible, astronomically strong and pretty much the sweetest human being to ever grace planet Earth. In addition, her comprehensive understanding of anatomy and physiology is mind-boggling, especially considering she's had no formal scientific education (as far as I know). You could say I was impressed.

The weekend began Saturday morning at about 8am or so. The first workshop wasn't actually a workshop at all. We did the primary sequence, following Kino's lead. Now, up to this weekend, I'd been playing around with the primary series, getting familiar with it. I've been doing yoga for years, so I really figured "no big deal". However, when you are taught by someone who trained for over a decade before she became certified, EVERYTHING becomes a VERY big deal. The simplest forward fold, conducted with her cues, left me gasping for breath as my hamstrings lit up and stretched into spaces I never knew existed. The entire two hour practice was this way. Each and every pose became larger than life and left me bumbling around like a complete beginner. I believe they call it humility, and I was getting it in spades. After failing miserably to hold a modified headstand for more than a breath or two at the end of the practice, I laid back on my mat thoroughly defeated, tears in my eyes. I was bested.

We broke for lunch then, and I made a beeline back to the apartment in which I was staying, seriously contemplating quitting right then and going home. Instead, I ate a few cookies, grabbed a nap and decided the "strength workshop" would be better. After all, I'm not terribly flexible, but sister have I got muscle!

Wrong. As Kino broke down headstand, handstand, plank and crow for us, I came to the realization that I had a really long way to go. When she moved on to jump-throughs and jump-backs, I realized I might never get there. When I became firmly established as the only person who could not lift up into a handstand, even with help, I realized I'd better learn to be okay with what I could do....which wasn't a whole hell of a lot!

You see, I have scoliosis. In my case, this means my low back is more flexible than most rubber bands. The lift required to come into most arm balances and inversions is a deep contraction of the abdominals and a shoring up of the low back to prevent the rib cage from pitching forward and toppling over. When you've got a back like mine, this means you don't just draw your abs in, you have to contract the abs and tilt the hip points up to an unnatural angle. Furthermore, once you get there, you've got to hold it. All the while your rubber band is slipping, and you're thisclose to falling on your nose.

By the time the afternoon was half over, I literally had no strength left. I don't care if I had Iron Man abs; my energy was completely gone. About the time I threw up my hands with a characteristic "fuck it" (and those who know me know I said just that), Kino takes that exact moment to appear at my side. "Need some help?", she asks. Umm...yes, you could say that. She helped me get into my headstand for a breath or two, and then a strange thing happened. I came back down to my knees and looked up at her.

"This is pretty hard for you, isn't it?", she asked.
It's impossible, actually, but we'll go with hard.
"Well, I'm not surprised. With that low back you've got, you really have to contract and that takes a lot more strength than usual."
Umm...how the hell did you know that?
"I bet you can do any backbend I give you, though, can't you?"
Yes, of course I can. I've never had to work for a backbend; what's so special about that?
At this she merely smiled and said, "Try to find some love for the amazing things you can do, and perhaps the rest will come."
Damn crazy hippy! What the hell kind of advice is that? Love my back bend and headstand will come? What the F*$% do you know?

Now, of course I didn't say any of this, but it certainly crossed my mind! I went back to the apartment that night exhausted, humiliated and convinced Kino just didn't understand. The next day passed with a hamstring workshop and a breathing/bandhas class. Nothing terribly eventful about any of that, but it was during the bandhas workshop that everything hit me like a ton of bricks.

I had come to this weekend with all sorts of baggage. I was angry with my home yoga community, my old studio, my practice, myself. I wanted to punish my practice for betraying me, for no longer being my safe zone. I came with an over-inflated ego, thinking 6 years on my mat was enough to make me advanced, forgetting that advanced yoga is a state of mind. All of this came crashing down around me in the middle of one particularly long inhale, and on an exhale several weeks later, I finally let it all go.

Upon arriving back in Charlotte, I found an interesting situation. Sitting with Chris, listening to his track stories, the same lessons began to emerge. He struggled all weekend in a group of more advanced riders, finally bringing home a badly damaged bike and a fairly wounded ego. While it took me weeks to work through my 'stuff', he did it right there on the couch. A single retelling of the events, a deep breath and, voila, a fresh start. Sometimes inspiration comes from unlikely sources.

I doubt she'll ever know it, but Kino changed the way I practice for the rest of my life. I no longer do yoga in a studio. I, of course, no longer teach. I find comfort in unrolling my mat on my living room floor, with only my dogs as my audience. Yoga with other people brings me no joy. I do yoga for myself now, with a single-mindedness that keeps me on my mat, loving the good, the bad and the broken furniture! In loving my larger than life full wheel and relishing my effortless drop back, I was able to let go of what other people could so easily achieve.

It's four months later, and wouldn't you know it...I got that headstand after all.

April in D.C.

2011-08-26T11:51:00.000-05:00

Last April, the man friend and I imposed on the hospitality of a dear friend who lives in D.C. He invited us up for a long weekend and volunteered his home as our home base and himself as our tour guide!

First up, an evening tour of the city! It was a gorgeous evening, a bit cold for April, but perfectly clear, as you can see from the shots I got. The Capitol building was beautifully lit and presided regally over the entire city. You'll note, however, that neither the flag over the House nor the Senate is flying. Why, you ask? Because neither was in session, as they were taking one of their numerous long weekends to be "in their districts with their constituents". When was the last time you saw YOUR representative?! Our tour moved on to cover all the major monuments: Lincoln, Jefferson, and from afar, the Washington Monument.

The next day dawned clear and crisp, so we made a beeline for the Tidal Basin to see the Cherry Blossoms! I was super excited for the festival that accompanies the blooms every year, but alas, it wasn't to be. No sooner did we make it to the Jefferson Memorial (yes, again...its my favorite), did the heavens open and a colossal downpour ensued! We waited it out as best we could, and then decided to suck it up and head to the FDR Memorial park. Its one of the best, in my opinion, because you walk your way through all things FDR and see the country's transition from Great Depression to World War II.
The monument to Eleanor Roosevelt is, of course, my favorite part of the FDR memorial. This woman, to me, embodies all that is good about being a progressive, intelligent, thoughtful woman. Supporting a sick husband, standing behind a three term president and still having her own impact on history makes me stand in awe and know that, as I move through life, that's the kind of woman I work to be.

Moving on from FDR, we touched briefly on the Vietnam and Korean War memorials. Even though I've seen both of these countless times, they always make me overwhelmingly sad. So much loss of life...and I'm still not certain why. Just as we progressed to the World War II pacific theater monument, the rain returned and sent us, quite forcefully, racing for the Air and Space Museum, for which the man friend went ballistic! All things with wings, motors and other moving parts, you know!

We rounded out our very busy day with dinner in downtown D.C. and then a quiet evening in which MD introduced us to my new favorite BBC series (Sherlock, if you're curious). On our last morning, we had a chance to catch up with some of my old friends from my time in seminary and to meet their two children!

After a great breakfast catching up with A and K, the three of us capped off the visit with some baseball!! It was a beautiful Spring day at Nationals Park and a perfect way to round things up for the trip home. Thanks so much, MD, for a tremendous weekend!!! Can't wait for round II!

MIA

2011-06-30T14:00:00.000-05:00

It's been a couple of months since my last post, and a million things have happened! I have lots to catch you up on, and I promise I'll get it all up in due course! The holiday weekend coming up is the last "event" I've got for awhile, so things will slow down considerably and I'll be able to write a bit! Look for updates on the new house, my time with Kino MacGregor, my reintroduction to yoga with a whole other perspective and, last but not least, an update on some very cool science!

See you soon!

xoxo,

My "I told you so" moment

2011-04-18T12:20:00.006-05:00

Seven years after I first started noticing symptoms, I was diagnosed with hypothyroid disease this morning. How on earth can it possibly take over half a decade to achieve a diagnosis you ask? Well, to be frank, medical doctors (MDs) are, by and large, stupid. If it doesn't fit the textbook definition and isn't blatantly obvious, they generally have no idea what's going on. I don't know who said it, but its true: the most dangerous thing you can do in America is get sick!

How did this unfold? Pretty simply, actually. I began to have difficulty with weight gain and hair loss toward the latter end of my undergraduate time at NC State. I was chronically fatigued, but chalked it up to stress and being in college. These symptoms have persisted since that time. During that time frame, both my grandmother and mother were diagnosed with hypothyroid disease. It does, after all, have a very strong (greater than 80%) inheritance rate. I watched both women struggle with achieving the appropriate dose of the only available treatment, synthetic thyroid hormone (Synthroid or the generic levothyroxine). Over time, their symptoms stabilized and their diseases were controlled. I learned, through this experience, to recognize when my mother's medication needed adjusting and how to pinpoint those same symptoms in others.

Then, I began my graduate work at UNCC. After several twists and turns, I landed a project generating thyroglobulin in soybeans for use as a diagnostic tool and as a potential tolerance therapy for the 40% of women in this country who are currently under diagnosed and suffer from subclinical hypothyroid disease. As stress is a primary factor in the aggravation of autoimmune disease, I began to notice an increase in my previous symptoms. Now, not only did I struggle to maintain my weight, but I was irritable and cranky, my skin began to flake and my nails became brittle. My hair continued to fall out in large clumps and I had extreme reproductive organ difficulties. Let me be clear: every single one of these symptoms points to hypothyroid disease. The only thing I was (and thankfully am still) missing is elevated heart rate and high blood pressure. Over the course of my PhD work, I visited no less than 5 doctors, all of whom drew bloodwork (an incomplete panel) and declared me "fine". I was definitely not fine. The closest I came to finding a physician willing to assist me and actually listen was the man who prescribed anti-anxiety medication for my irritability and stress.

Finally, I completed my PhD and began my post-doc. Over the course of the last six months, my stress level has increased exponentially. I've had family difficulties, medical difficulties and a slew of personal changes to my life and routine. Once again, I began to notice a spike in my symptoms. This time, however, they were accompanied by severe migraines and difficulties with vision. For those who are unaware, the thing that kills hypothyroid patients is generally a massive stroke, which is predicated by headaches and loss of vision.

Given this knowledge, I scrambled to find a new doctor ASAP. I had my appointment with Mia Griggs last thursday. She listened, rather patiently given her profession, as I described my history and current symptoms. Then, I did something I'd never done before. I explained to her that I had as much knowledge about this issue as she did, quite possibly more, and I wanted her to run a complete blood panel with TSH, T3 and free T4. To my surprise, she did exactly as I asked.

This morning, the call I've been waiting years to get finally came. Dr. Griggs sounded shocked as she said over the phone, "Well, Dr. Powell, it seems you were right". I indeed have severe hypothyroid disease. The treatment is fairly straight-forward, now that a diagnosis has been achieved, so all that remains is to find my maintenance dose.

In this case, I don't hesitate to say I told you so to the entire medical community, all of whom really ought to go back to school and actually learn something. Kudos to Dr. Griggs for being the most willing of her profession to work with me, but MDs of her caliber, as my history indicates, are rare indeed.

Retired

2011-04-13T13:40:00.000-05:00

At 28, I am going to retire. How is this possible, you ask? Well, when one has two careers, it seems quite simple to set one of them aside and be done with it. As of May 22nd, I will no longer be a yoga teacher, and I solemnly swear never to come out of retirement in the field. What brought this on, you ask? Allow me to explain...I've been bursting to get it out, if the truth be known.

The first bit is actually quite simple. I absolutely adore working at Inner Peace Yoga in Matthews. Page and Debi are the cat's meow to work for, truly amazing, no nonsense women. However, as of the end of May, my commute to the studio will be just at an hour and a half. Even for the more than fair wages I get there, it just isn't worth the time away. So, I sadly say good-bye, but fervently encourage all my readers to get over to the studio and show them some love! After all, I'll be there through May, so come say hello!

The second bit is a little more complex. My tenure at the other studio where I taught was set to last through the end of April 30th. However, circumstances being what they are at the studio (and to which I am not privy), the management there has decided to usurp my attempt to give them fair notice and take my classes from me early and without warning. The resulting conversation left me confused and saddened, but certainly wiser. It seems to me, even in the yoga community where tolerance is touted and being oneself is supposed to be paramount (because we all walk our own path, yes?), there are those (and they are not few in number) who would seek to control the individuals under them. Those personalities are resistant to individuals who speak their truth openly and without shame, especially when that truth is visceral and real. What it comes down to is the truth that yoga teachers are no more enlightened than anyone else, and if your teacher tries to shower his or her wisdom upon you, you really ought to run screaming, because whatever it is they're showering isn't wisdom...and to be honest, I don't want to know what it really is....do you?

All that aside, I have concluded, based on this experience and several others through the years, that yoga teachers have to sit on a cloud and sing a happy song if they want to be successful....and I just can't do it. So, as of now, I'm retired...and better for it.

Ego Boost

2011-03-16T15:00:00.000-05:00

I didn't think I got excited over things like this, but there is no other word for my exuberant exclamation of joy upon seeing my name in print.

...a pirate's life for me! Cruise Adventure part deux

2011-03-10T14:37:00.003-05:00

Ahoy, dear readers! Here we are, the final installment of cruise craziness 2011! Last we heard, our heroes had only just departed Freeport, bound for a night at sea and Nassau in the morning. Upon arriving back at the ship, Chris took his customary nap, and Rebecca settled in with a book. Since it was formal night on the ship, they both wanted to look their best at dinner. After a bit o' rest, our rookie sailors donned their finest and made their way to the dining room. All I'll say is navigating a rocky ship in heels is harder than it looks! The evening included two great shows: one in the full-size theatre, complete with Copacabana and a Barry Manilow look-a-like, and the other in the dining room by the wonderful wait staff, who serenaded us each evening with what can only be called chutzpah! A little dancing and a, by now, customary limoncello later, our exhausted heroes hit the hay, ready to tackle Nassau and the dolphins first thing in the morning! Dawn brought our ship already docked in Nassau when our fearless adventurers awoke. They quickly dressed and made a beeline for the dock, not wanting to miss a single second of the dolphin experience. Walking through the very heavily guarded customs (those Bahamians don't play), a bus awaited them. Boarding with the other

excited passengers, the driver gave an impromptu tour of downtown Nassau. Crossing the bridge to Atlantis was breathtaking! When one goes to the Bahamas, it is customary to frown on the opulence of the resorts that surround the native poverty. However, when faced with all that is Atlantis, its pretty much impossible to do! Upon our arrival, a guide met us and walked us through the entire resort, complete with open air aquarium, Mayan temple water park, golf courses, beaches, a 25K per night bridge suite and dolphin sanctuary! Sorry the story-telling aspect is breaking down, but this is getting too good to worry about pronouns and verb agreement! We must have taken 100 pictures on that short walk, and I wish I could show them all to you, but even the pictures don't do it justice! We arrived at the dolphin sanctuary, on the far end of the resort. After a short briefing, we donned wetsuits and headed into the water for pretty much the best experience of my existence! We began by wading into shallow water, coming up one by one beside the dolphins and allowing our hands to graze their backs. Surprisingly, they are quite tough, a bit like porous leather. The animals responded to a "bridge", a whistle that only they can hear that bridges the gap between our communication and theirs. They talk and sing almost incessantly, with perma-grins as they shake their heads to draw attention to themselves. We had a woman in our group who was a bit afraid, so the trainer working with us asked me to go first. I really should have suspected something, but I didn't. As such, not only did I get a wonderful kiss, I got a face full of spray from the dominant female. When Chris had his turn, he just got a nice smooch, no drama. Such the ladies' man, you know! From here, we moved into deeper water with snorkels, allowing the dolphins to swim under, around and between us. They would playfully swim up, give a little nod and slap our arms and legs, as if in a game of chase. What I found delightful was the rapport the trainers had with their animals. The dolphins would tolerate us and our touch, very briefly. However, they would swim alongside the trainers, nuzzling them and forcing their hands onto their backs, as a dog begging for a rub! Interestingly, the trainers wore different color wetsuits from us, and the dolphins used the color to distinguish who was who under water! Lastly, and most exhilarating of all, we were each given a short board to hold onto (similar to what you used when you learned to swim), and the dolphins swam up behind us, propelling each of us forward by our heel across the enclosure!! Our boards lifted up into the air, and we flew, suspended only by the force of the dolphin pushing us forward!! When we'd all had a turn, the dolphins gave us one last show, flipping and spinning into the air, and bid us farewell. Chris and I hung out at the sanctuary for a bit, just watching them interact, marveling at their intelligence and how well their trainers worked with them. It was encouraging to see harmony between species, with only a little effort on the side of both.

We spent the rest of the day rambling around the resort, exploring the aquarium, the largest of its kind. The entire thing is modeled as an archeological dig of the lost city of Atlantis. It's equal parts beautiful, inspiring and spooky! I have a collection of close to 100 photos of the rays, fish, lobster and jellyfish at which Chris could not stop staring. It was the only time on the entire trip he actually wanted to use the camera!
Once we left the resort, we meandered through the accompanying village, got some lunch and did some people watching. The view was still glorious, and we were in no hurry to return to the ship. When we finally did leave the resort, we spent a bit more time in downtown Nassau, walking the streets and seeing what little there was to see. The parliament building was Bahamian pink and showed signs of wear and tear, and most of the shops were closed or boarded up. We did, however, get an unexpected look at a pretty famous boat...anybody recognize this guy?
Arriving back at the ship, we settled down for an evening of relaxation. By this time, we had grown comfortable wandering around the ship, sometimes aimlessly, other times not so. We ate, drank and danced our way through another evening, knowing the next day was our last! Our final day at sea was something of a quiet one. It was growing colder as we steamed north, so we stayed inside, caught a movie and a show, said adieu to our glorious wait staff and hit up The Cat's Lounge one last time to see our favorite asian fusion band rock The Beatles like no one else can! We arrived back in Charleston, greeted by bone-chilling cold and the understanding that we'd missed a week of snowy weather and traffic disasters! I'll take the colors and sounds of the Bahamas over that mess any day!!

An unexpected gift....

2011-02-25T17:38:00.002-05:00

Sometimes letting go doesn't have to be a solo activity. Sometimes, the individual who vexes us so completely takes the high road, gives an unexpected phone call and sets the record straight. Sometimes we discover our perspectives, while based upon the only facts we had at the time, were completely wrong. Sometimes we beg the Universe to help us release the pain and frustration and within hours, quite unexpectedly, total manifestation lays the solution at our feet. We, each of us, has had our say. We, together, have found common ground to remember our work together in a positive way. As it turns out, what I needed (although I never wanted to admit it) was approval. The surprising thing is, apparently, I already had it. So, now, its time to truly let it go and move forward, becoming the scientist I was trained to be and the person I already am, but always with room for growth. If ever you read this, KP, I just want to say 'thanks'.

Om Shanti.

Let it go.

2011-02-25T13:01:00.000-05:00

I recently read a wonderful blog entry in Elephant Journal. It seemed ho-hum at the time, but today it came flooding back with the force of a tsunami. Read it here. The gist of the post is the idea that you have to let things go if you ever want to truly live. You can't carry baggage around with you forever, because it slows you down and prevents you from doing those things you were born to do.

I hear your wheels turning already. Why, suddenly, am I latching onto an idea that's been repeated on every Oprah show since 1999? Well, to be honest, I'm struggling with this idea, talked to death though it may be. Some of you dear readers, if you've been following for a time, know the struggles that accompanied my obtaining my PhD. Now, I had the same academic issues as anyone working toward such a degree, but my experience was tainted further by the fact that the individual in primary charge of myself and my project did not attempt to hide his disdain and, over time, hatred of my presence in his lab. Not to say he hated me personally, although he may have, but rather he did not appreciate the dynamic I brought to the lab. Said adviser liked to be the authority, and if you know me well, you know I question all authority on principle. In my mind, I was learning and pushing the boundaries. In his, I was a hated nuisance to be readily dispensed. It was attempted several times, to have me ousted from the program, but each time fell short and I ultimately graduated in December 2010 with my hard won PhD.

When I defended in September, I thought I could let it go. As my manuscript had not yet been accepted, I had to hold on a bit longer. When I got my job at WFU, I thought I could let it go. Still dealing with graduation details and paper submissions, I had to wait it out. Two days ago I received an email from my adviser, indicating my paper had been fully approved and would be published shortly. My degree is now in my grubby little hands, having had the graduate school mail my diploma, and the process is complete. I thought, certainly, I could let it go. Today, only a few hours ago, I realized that, without some serious effort on my part, I would never be able to let it go. A seemingly innocent email from this individual, praising the accomplishments of another would-be student and ever so subtly comparing his abilities to mine (with less than favorable indications on my end), sent me into an emotional tailspin. My heart began to pound; my palms started to sweat, and the room went wobbly with instability.

Months later, with my accomplishments guaranteed, how could this man still do this?

The short answer: because I let him. In my defense, I spent so many years in a program where I had no choice but to please my superiors, because failure to do so would mean failure to graduate. Therefore, it can be said that old habits die hard. However, my graduation was also a liberation, a freedom from the tyranny, if you will. I should be more relieved than Nelson Mandela after apartheid. So, why aren't I?

The difference between Mr. Mandela and myself is that he was instantly able to forgive his oppressors. He found their weaknesses and offered them grace, even in his triumph. I have yet to find a way to offer an olive branch, much less grace, to my former adviser. Perhaps one day I will face him with a smile and some appreciation for the character testing I suffered at his hands, but for now I struggle to be indifferent, to simply let it go and never think of it again. Sometimes we achieve this instantly, and some times, much like lotus pose, it can take years.

What counts in this whole mess is that we keep trying.

Yo ho, yo ho...cruise adventure part I

2011-02-23T16:09:00.000-05:00

This past December, I finally graduated from UNC Charlotte with my PhD in immunology (although my discipline was conspicuously left off my diploma). As a result of this landmark building of debt, my parents decided to send Chris and I off for four beautiful days sailing through the Bahamas on a very big ship! We set sail from Charleston, SC on the beautiful Carnival Fantasy. It was about the temperature of a freezer on the ice planet Hoth when we left Charleston, but we hunkered down and waited for our ship to head south to tropical breezes and warmer temps!

Our first day on board was spent at sea. We were headed due south, to Freeport, Bahamas. Our first 24 hours was mostly spent drinking beautiful things with umbrellas and trying desperately to keep from plowing into the sides of the ship as neither of us had fully acclimated to the rockin' and rollin' of a life at sea. No worries, though. We got our sea legs, despite the alcohol, and settled in for some fun. The ship had all kinds of wonderful things to explore: endless amounts of food and drink, a huge casino, live comedy shows, broadway spectacles, games, the spa, and of course the pool and hot tubs, complete with ginormous water slide!!! We even managed to get in a workout here and there. Chris opted for the gym in the bow of the ship, while I found some space
to lay out my yoga mat and collect a few stares for an hour or so! We finished our day of ship exploration as we did most days on the trip: with a drink and some dancing at the full-scale dance club on Empress deck (which is also where I discovered and fell in love with limoncello)!
The next day arrived, with our ship already in port at Freeport. Excited for a day of exploration, as we'd opted for a DIY adventure, we grabbed our bathing suits and headed off for Port Lucaya, home to the local marketplace and, most importantly, the beach! After a somewhat harrowing experience via taxi van, we arrived at the marketplace. While very tropical in color and airiness, I'll admit that the rampant poverty was most evident. The market had been destroyed several years previously due to a hurricane, and according to the locals, it really hasn't recovered. We moved from stall to stall, noticing most of the vendors carried the same touristy things, being somewhat of a disappointment. One thing we did love, however, was the basket-making. Bahamian women are known worldwide for hand making the most intricate, beautiful grass baskets. Every shape and size you could imagine was discovered! I won't lie: a few came home with us! We grabbed a lunch of local seafood, conch fritters and crab, then made way for the beach across the street. We were interrupted, however, by a local man dressed as the official Bahamian flower. Said charmer then proceeded to swindle us out of $5 for a photo with him, but when you fall for the con, who is really to blame, eh?
The beach in Freeport was glorious! While still a bit colder than we'd like, the water was crystal clear and beautiful! We lounged on the beach for a bit before getting the courage to wade into the iciness and play with the small schools of fish that swam at our ankles. All in all, Freeport proved an eye-opening but relaxing day! We arrived back at the Fantasy tanned, tired and happy.

Safely pushing the limit

2011-02-22T10:31:00.001-05:00

Have you ever wondered why you practice yoga? What brings you to your mat day in and day out instead of, say, pounding some pavement for a few miles or hitting the elliptical at the gym? Perhaps you still do those things, but some days yoga wins. Why?

A lot of you would say the spiritual and mental benefits of yoga are hard to come by in other types of workouts or exercise regimens. Some of you, like myself, will say you do yoga because its hard. You get all those wonderful mental benefits of the practice as a beautiful bonus, but you come back time and time again to meet your mat head on and, if we’re being honest, to beat it.

It may be sacrilegious (in some circles) to think this way about yogis, but in my mind, that kind of mentality is one of an athlete, a competitor, a lover of sport. We come to our mats because we want a challenge; we want to work hard; we want to earn that savasana! The reason we approach our yoga like a sport is because it is a sport!

It’s not a team sport, like baseball or soccer. It’s not a competitive individual sport, like running or gymnastics. It’s a sport because our competition is our own practice from the day before, the week before, that one time in that workshop when we rocked it. In yoga, we often refer to this competition as the ego, but for now I’m sticking with ‘the will to win’.

This urge we have to better ourselves, often at any cost, results in amazing breakthroughs, profound epiphanies and really horrible injuries. As with any exercise, we often plow ahead, forgetting alignment and foundational skills that keep us safe and make us successful. We manipulate naturally flexible parts of our bodies, pushing deeper into postures than we might have the strength to sustain, causing compression over time and doing harm in our quest for well-being. How can this be avoided?

It starts by making a commitment to focusing on alignment and breath in our practice. Only move as fast as you can breath, using the whole of the inhale or exhale to transition from one pose to another. Yes, it will slow you down, but (just like lifting weights) the slower you go, the harder you must work and the more benefit you receive. Then, because the slower pace allows the time to focus on alignment and placement, we pay attention to the details. We unclench the toes; our knees draw open to protect our joints; tailbones drop down and lower abdominals engage to support the low back. Maybe, horror of horrors, we don’t go as deep as we usually do. While it may be excruciatingly difficult to surrender in that way, it is far better to ease into a posture organically than to fling oneself headlong into the abyss of “undetermined recovery time”.

So, while moving and grooving through your practice is wonderful and trying new things will open the mind and free the body, it is imperative to pay attention to alignment, to focus on your fundamentals (just like paying basketball) and work with the body you have. Each of us is profoundly unique, at a genetic and anatomical level. Bones are not created equally. Sometimes they open us up, and sometimes (quite literally) they shut us down. Years of yoga practice won’t change that, but over time, we learn to work with it through alignment and placing stability over flexibility. If we practice in this way, we move deeper into the postures safely, effectively and without obstacle.

Honoring St. Valentine...

2011-02-14T15:05:00.003-05:00

I am, historically speaking, not a proponent of Valentine's Day. I would say, in fact, that I was to Valentine's Day what Scrooge is to Christmas. Hell, even yesterday would have shown me to be a bit of a sour-puss: angry at my man friend for being away, frustrated with my job(s), exhausted from working seven days a week, hormonally imbalanced and in an all-around bad mood.

Then, something changed...

My man friend returned from his week in Daytona to find me curled on the couch with triple chocolate brownies, wine and the first Pirates of the Caribbean blaring away on the t.v. My bad mood had not been in any way improved by a meeting with one of my employers. In short, I wanted some peace; I wanted quiet; I wanted things to stop shifting faster than I could keep up or adapt. I was angry.

To his credit, he knew this immediately upon entry into the apartment. He sat down and tentatively asked if he'd forgotten a birthday or holiday. I said no and indicated he should take the time to come in, unpack and come down from his trip. He proceeded to do so, and I shrank back into my den of gloom. We futzed around a bit, and then I decided I'd had quite enough for one day and went to bed. He followed and asked one last time if I was okay. It proved more than I could handle, and I unloaded every frustration, every anger, every biting remark that should have gone to the weak, pansy-ass people who incited them right onto him in a tear-soaked rant. You name it; I was pissed about it. I hated my commute, I hated my bad back, I hated my second job and all the craziness that comes with it, I hated my boss (both of them), I hated his job for making him travel, I hated him for agreeing to travel, I hated having to cook, clean and do laundry.....you get the drift, yes?

What happened at this point that made me change my lifelong tune? Why, suddenly, am I a staunch supporter of dear St. Valentine and all his inappropriately shaped hearts?

My man friend pulled me in close and let me rant and rave. He let me go until I ran out of steam, and then he promised it would be okay. He took me through my rantings, one by one, asking what he could do to make my life easier, better, less stressed. He offered to make it possible for me to relinquish a few hours at the second job, enabling me to focus more readily on the first, "real", job and reduce my commitments considerably. In short, he didn't fix it...he showed me ways in which we could fix it together.

Valentine's Day isn't about flowers, chocolate or a spa giftcard...not unless you're in high school. St. Valentine, I'm almost positive, would have us celebrate true love, the type of love that extends beyond the material to get at the core of who we are. It's the love that lets me know, even at my worst, he brings out my best, and that is worth celebrating.

Yoga at the Dentist??

2011-02-08T12:27:00.000-05:00

Say whaaat? Ya heard me! I did yoga at the dentist this morning.

Now that all of you have images of me in downdog while the poor hygienist maneuvers to clean my teeth, allow me to explain:

Have you ever heard me or another yoga teacher tell you that everything is temporary? I wager 99% of you have gotten this in a class or ten. Teachers say it because its true. The pose is only going to last a few breaths, and then the pain of it will pass and life goes on. We often tell you to take that same mentality and apply it to life situations. Well, today, I did!

Unconsciously and even before I reached the office this morning, I began my mantra: its almost over, its almost over, it won't be that bad, its almost over, etc, etc. When my x-rays were done and I was prepped in the chair, ready for that horrific polisher device and gritty toothpaste, my mantra hit epic proportions: 10 minutes, you just have to make it 1-0 MINUTES!!! YOU CAN DO THIS! 9 minutes...8 minutes....and on and on.

In case you haven't noticed, I do not like the dentist. The noise makes me cringe, the paste is gritty and gets stuck between my teeth, and the hygienist is, inevitably, someone who runs around with 5 year olds all day and forgets that I am, in fact, an adult. It's pure, unadulterated misery.

That's where yoga saves the day...

I was so busy focusing on my countdown to freedom that I hardly noticed the whole thing was over! The temporary torture had come and gone with barely a register in my brain! So no, I wasn't in supta baddha konasana in the dental chair, but I did some pretty terrific mental yoga just the same.

So how about it? Where do you use yoga in your day without even knowing it?!

My voice or yours?

2011-01-17T14:48:00.000-05:00

Well, dear readers, I come to you with a new and interesting experience: insecurity. Those of you who have known me understand exactly what I mean with this. I am, historically, a take-no-prisoners, speak my mind, rough around the edges kinda gal who is firm in her own opinion and pretty damn hard to sway. Suffice it to say, I think for myself.

However, recently, a few things are beginning to shift. I find myself second guessing my yoga teaching style, my interactions with my students, and the way I communicate yogic philosophy in class. I have always believed that I'm a shoot from the hip type, translating wisdom from the ancients to what I believe is relevant for today's yogi. My notions of my own abilities have been challenged of late, leaving me shaken and unsure of who I am as a teacher....and maybe even as a person.

My entire life is cluttered with criticisms of how I'm too harsh, too closed off, too cold and unsympathetic. I've experienced it in relationships, in the scientific community (which is just weird) and now in my yoga community. When these things arise, I typically brush them off, chalking it up to someone who is insecure and intimidated because I'm not. Generally speaking, that is actually the case. This time, though, I think maybe not. My classes, though cardiovascularly challenging and fitness based, are not growing. I have a few truly dedicated students, but beyond that, people drift in and out in fairly small numbers. Given the feedback I've received, it seems this is due to the idea that I'm not approachable and students feel difficulty in their attempts to connect.

I don't spew a lot of "wisdom" during class, and the few times I have, it's been negatively received. So, my class is very much about the sequence, with a little meditation toward the end, letting my students find their own inner "stuff". In other words, I give them the time but its use is up to them! So here's the question: Does it really come down to speaking my truth vs. speaking yours? Living my life vs. placating yours? Finding my voice or using yours? Shall I follow this new advice and open up, making myself more vulnerable to my students and giving them the warm fuzzies they apparently need, or should I, in the words of Sadie Nardini, continue to work on finding my own voice and letting my tribe find me....if they can?

Obligatory New Years' Post....

2010-12-31T12:39:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year!! Being a blogger, it seems to be mandatory that I write some sort of homage to 2010 and perspective for 2011. There's just one problem. The new year isn't anymore of a beginning than tomorrow, the next day or July 23rd. Every single day we have the opportunity to start fresh and try again. Why the hell would anyone wait 365 days to start over? That's. Just. Dumb.

So, instead of offering you a plethora of resolutions and intentions that you will inevitably forgo round about the beginning of March (if you last that long), I offer you this:
Every single day you draw breath, work to be proud of who you are and content with the person who stares back at you while you brush your teeth.
Then, once you've achieved this, and that could take a really long time for some of us:
Work to keep it to yourself.
I know, that sounds weird. What I mean by that is try not to impose your idea of happiness and well-being on other people. The last few months have been really interesting from an observational perspective. I've begun to witness the emergence of cult-like followings in everything from traditional religious issues and politics to fitness and diet. To be quite honest, its incredibly disconcerting, especially in light of the knowledge that we are all so individually unique and special. Why on earth would something that works for one person work for another? There's no reason it should!
Rather than spend time giving unwanted and unappreciated advice to people who don't care, why not use that energy to make changes in your own life that make you happy? At least then, the outcome is assured! That way, you get that much closer to smiling back at your frothy, toothpaste-y face!

Here's an example to get you started, should you choose to give this a try...and it really is up to you!

A dear, dear friend of mine does yoga, only not the kind of yoga I do. She practices anusara, which is a specific form of vinyasa characterized by long holds and slow flow. I practice power yoga, characterized by one breath for each pose and major cardiac output. I tried anusara with her one day, and hands down, I. Hated. It. However, my disdain for anusara should have absolutely zero bearing on her desire to practice it. It makes her happy, and it fulfills her current needs for her yoga practice. Who the hell am I to tell her to change? So, rather than mold her to fit my needs, I honor her space, let her do her thing, and in turn, I do my thing. It's a simplistic example, but it gets the point across. It doesn't matter what yoga you practice, whether or not you choose to lift really heavy weights for time, if you eat meat or are an all out raw food vegan hero. It is your choice and your life. For heavens' sake, don't let other people call the shots.

Happy New Year...and here's to 365.25 new beginnings!
xoxo
R

Happy Saturnalia!!!

2010-12-22T11:27:00.000-05:00

Blessed Yule, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Kwanzaa....etc, etc! Who really cares? There's so much fuss about my holiday is better than your holiday. Leave it on the playground, folks! Why don't we all just wish each other peace, love, joy and as many blessings as we can muster!? After all, that's what this season, according to the various traditions (yes, ALL of them), is about! So drop the holier than thou; drop the grinch/grinchette routine and find a little love. The new year with all its challenges and obstacles will begin soon enough. You can be grumpy mcgrumperson then! Use this time to take a break and reconnect. You'll be happier for it!
xoxo
R

Holding your seat

2010-12-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

Something incredibly rare and somewhat alarming occurred in my hot yoga class last night. I had four ladies in the class, two of whom were fairly new to yoga and had never taken my class. I began as I always did, with a opportunity for the students to warn me of injuries they may have or special requests for postures if I could fit them in. Nada. So, I hit the play button on my funky groove 'n flow itunes playlist and off we went....or not. About a minute into the class, one of the new gals sat up from child's pose and asked me to turn the music down. I complied, as I assumed she couldn't hear me over it (although I was certainly loud enough). Whatever. Then came the astonishing part. She sat up again and said, 'actually, off would really be best, thanks.'

ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!?!

Now, many of you might be thinking that this is no big deal. I ask you, however: would you walk into a lecture hall and presume to tell the professor how to teach? Would it be unconscionable for said professor to kick you out of class if you did...or at least embarrass you to the degree you rightfully deserve for being an ass hat? Not one individual I know would ever attempt such a thing! Yet, that is exactly what this gal did...right there in front of my other students, leaving me only two options: comply with her request or make a scene, thus driving other students from my class and staining my reputation. The old me (see yesterday's post) would have done just that. Those would be fighting words, and sister, it would be on! The more evolved and slightly less confrontational me decided to forego the argument and give her what she wanted. I have never taught a class without music. It gives me my groove and keeps me going. Last night's class then became the most difficult of my teaching career. I was thrown completely off my game, and while I doubt anyone else noticed, I certainly did! This same individual asked for a good workout at the beginning of class, and so I channeled my frustration there, rendering her dripping with sweat and panting in child's pose halfway through the class. Take that, why dontcha?! Of course, this strategy only worked because she had no understanding of honoring her body and limitations, but whatever. I felt justified, but nonetheless...not my finest hour.

In talking with my studio's owner shortly after class, I was brought to the understanding that I had a third choice that I had not considered. I could, in the words of Baron Baptiste, hold my seat as a teacher. What the flyin' flip does that mean?? It means, much the way a professor in an academic environment would stand up to a student, not letting yoga students hijack my class (and my mojo) in a selfish attempt to make it all about them! I could, I realized a little late, have easily shared with her that music is an integral part of my class and that if she desired a more serene environment, there were plenty of teachers at my studio who taught in that manner. I could say that I was happy to lower the volume to enable her to hear, but the music was going to stay, because that's who I am as a teacher. In short, it just means there is compromise between completely caving (what I did) and making a fuss (what I wanted to do). Yes, I may have lost a student, but there would be one in her place very soon....one who appreciates the groove 'n flow that Michael Franti and U2 contribute to a rockin' power class.

Next time I'm challenged, in the yoga studio or elsewhere, I believe I will practice holding my seat and finding that balance between respecting the individual and respecting myself. Easier said than done, but certainly worth the effort!

The data are in....

2010-12-07T11:42:00.001-05:00

A lot of people I encounter, mostly students, ask me how I know my yoga works. Its a bit of an interesting question when you stop to think about it. We, as yogis, make these outrageous claims about how yoga helps us to interact more peacefully with the world, gives us more patience, more compassion. Yet, we too have rough days where compassion is the last thing on our minds, and we behave like petulant children. So, really, how do we know yoga works? How can we make these assertions that yoga really does help us to be better people? Well, the proof, as they say, is in the pudding.

First, let me say this: yoga teachers are people, too. We have the same issues, pressures and stresses as everybody else. We fail miserably in our responses to these pressures from time to time, just like everybody else. We are not perfect. So please, do not place your yoga instructor on a pedestal. When they inevitably come crashing down, it will only cause you pain!

Moving on....back to those strange and ludicrous claims of self-improvement through yoga.

There is no hard evidence I can give you to say, 'yes, this is yoga working. Look, its right here.' It doesn't work in that way. How it does work is my ability to point to situations in my life where I know I would have reacted differently several years ago. For example, a few days ago I was faced with a financial shock that I was unprepared to handle. It was out of my control, and it completely blindsided me, leaving me flailing for a safety net and scared for the stability of my household. Five years ago, had this occurred, I would have ranted and raved at the individual I held responsible. I would, undoubtedly, have publicly embarrassed both her and myself. Furthermore, I wouldn't have cared. I would have been too incensed and wrapped up in my own rage to notice that my reaction was inappropriate. When I did notice, I guarantee you I would not have apologized. After all, I would justify, I was not at fault. I had reason to be angry, and that makes my behavior okay.

However, I did none of those things. While I was upset, I did not yell or embarrass anyone. I sat quietly and let this individual have her say. I accepted her explanation, because I took the time to see how much it pained her to come clean and appreciated how hard it must be for her. Again, I was angry. Anger is an emotion, and that is certainly allowed! Rather than fly off the handle as I once would have done, I collected my things and went to my car. Only then did I take a deep breath and allow whatever reaction was boiling up to show itself. I was shocked at what I found. I did not scream and yell in defiance. I sat calmly as fear welled up and tears came down. Over time, the tears subsided and I began to formulate a plan. The rest of what occurred with this situation is immaterial to my point.

Through my relationship with my breath and the routine release of tension in the asanas, I was able to hold it together in a way I once imagined impossible for my volatile personality. Does it happen like this every time? Certainly not. Do I still lose my temper...and my mind? Absolutely. Is that okay? I'm human, so it's going to have to be okay. These brief forays into sanity, however, are the reasons I can look my students in the eye and say 'yes, I promise you this yoga works.' I can't prove it, because no one knows what my former reaction would have been as well as I do. I can't convey the magnitude of the change to someone who didn't know me before yoga. I just see it for myself, and really, that's what matters in the hunt for personal enlightenment.

Ch...ch...ch...changes

2010-11-04T15:35:00.001-05:00

It's official, kids! I started my new position at Wake Forest this week, as a research post-doctoral fellow in the biochemistry department of the medical school. Real paychecks, here I come!!!

In all seriousness, though, its been a great week! Monday was orientation, and we all know how wretched that is, but once it passed I got into the lab and right to the bench! I cannot express how wonderful it felt to hold a pipetter in my hand...it was like coming home! I know, I know. How can such a little thing make the Beckabee so damn sappy? Well, I'll tell you, dear reader. The hallmark tool of an immunologist is, in fact, the pipetters we use to move small volumes from tube to tube and back again. Ask any bench scientist, and they will tell you the most valuable thing on their bench is their collection of pipettes. So, its only natural that handling them and using them calls to mind the greater purpose of my profession.
I digress.
In any event, the week has gone splendidly. I'm in the lab; I'm working and getting to know everyone. The environment is warm and welcoming, but not overly personal (thank the Universe). In many ways, I feel at home here, like I belong.
In other ways, however, this new place is quite the challenge. Even though I'm off and running, I still have to ask where things are and how to get to different pieces of communal equipment. I still occasionally get lost in the underground corridors of this vast and monochromatic maze. I'm still not entirely certain what to make of my coworkers, nor them of me I'm quite sure! All these challenges and changes make the familiarity of the work that much more inviting, reminding me why I love science so damn much! Why, you ask? I love it because its always there. The bench, the tools, the tubes, the questions....all there, just waiting for me: no judgment, just work.
So as I network the labyrinth of a new experience, I take solace in that which I know and understand. I find familiarity in my tools and peace in the question. I'm able to do this amidst the change and uncertainty because I love what I do.
So the question is, what do you do when everything shifts? Where do you find peace? If you love what you do, you've already got the answer.

Way too much time....

2010-10-31T11:55:00.000-05:00

Seriously, people, I have entirely too much time on my hands! I've spent the last few days trying desperately to drown myself in grants and papers for my new job with a good deal of cardio workouts and yoga thrown in for variety. Even still, my brain goes places and ponders things that would simply be better let go and forgotten. This is what happens when you train a mind to focus on the details, ponder the significance and find the answer....then take it out of the environment where that type of training is conducive and leave it to ponder petty arguments and stupid gossip. I have punched, kicked, danced and vinyasa'd my way to what ought to be peace and clarity. Instead I get frustration, lack of sleep and the consumption of the entire sea salt brownie container from Trader Joe's. This. Is. Not. Good.

So, dear readers, what do you think? How does one go about solving a problem when the obvious solution and necessary confrontation has been forbidden and is, therefore, impossible. Also, what I desperately want to do is illegal. What's the alternative? If I keep working out like this and not sleeping, I'm going to turn into some sort of weird Un-dead like creature....which, given the modern holiday tradition, might actually be appropriate.

Short and sweet....

2010-10-29T15:25:00.001-05:00

"Whether other people learn their lessons is, quite frankly, none of our business....but did you get it? Were you paying attention?"
-Seane Corn

Not really a whole lot to say, just wanted to share the idea that's been floating around in my head for the last week or so. I've found the longer an idea persists, the more it becomes necessary to give it some concrete space in the Universe. Furthermore, truth telling is a tricky business. I've discovered that most of the time people don't mind the truth; it only becomes an issue when the truth pertains to them and is something they'd rather not face. As they say, the truth will indeed set you free....but first, it will royally piss you off!!

Charting your own course

2010-10-13T09:21:00.000-05:00

"It's only impossible if you believe it is."

-Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland

A lot has been said, written and thought in regards to the power of positive thinking. Growing up in a 'can-do' culture, we all heard how we ought to "think positively" and that it would "be alright in the end" if only we could hold out a little longer. Americans, in general, simply never say die. That's why the rest of the world marvels at our society...because we can literally do anything. However, in the current economic crisis, there's a whole lot of fear that 'alright in the end' might not come soon enough, and we may not have what it takes to hold out until it happens. As a nation, we are struggling. As individuals, we are terrified.

I had the distinct opportunity to join in this wave of fear over the past month or so. I successfully defended my PhD dissertation the beginning of September and was all set to start at the job I'd lined up back in May. That didn't happen, because the job was no longer available: budget cuts. So, I did what any type A control freak would do: I panicked...and then I got to work! I scoured the internet for job postings and applied for anything and everything that looked even remotely like it might be a good fit. I probably put in 50 applications over the course of two or three days...and then, I waited. I waited, and my anxiety level skyrocketed with each passing hour (ahem, there are 24 hours in a day...that's a lot of anxiety)!!

A couple of weeks went by, and I saw no opportunities present themselves. Downright freaked out about now, I called a dear yoga friend for advice. She gave me the chance to pick up some yoga classes for additional income, for which I will be eternally grateful, but more importantly she told me to visualize my success and believe it into being. Um, yeah right!

I'm a scientist, and to be honest, that sounded like a bunch of new age crap. However, I was at a loss...so I gave it a go. I envisioned the email and phone call that would come from the professor with whom I wanted to work. I imagined the call, the conversation, the interview...right down to the detail on my suit. I dedicated my daily yoga practice to the finding of a job. Every chance I got, I sent happy thoughts in the direction in which I wanted to go! Of course, all of this was done with a whopping dose of skepticism, but I did it anyway. Fake it 'til you make it, they say.

The verdict, you ask? Well, I start at Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center in about a week. New age crap? Quite possibly. New age crap that works? Absolutely!

The Mental Vagabond

2010-10-02T11:39:00.000-05:00

"There is something in October sets the gypsy blood astir: We must rise and follow her, When from every hill of flame She calls, and calls each vagabond by name."

William Bliss Carmen

"October is a fine and dangerous season in America . . . a wonderful time to begin anything at all."

Thomas Merton

October does it to me pretty much every year. The air becomes crisp, the leaves start to change and I start to ponder where exactly I want to be as I stare down yet another birthday. This year is especially poignant in that regard. I only recently finished up my PhD, successfully defending and finally ending the chapter of my life that is Academia. I have been in school for 23 years straight, no breaks or time off, no time to consider other options, hardly time to sleep in the past ten years or so. Now, as my twenties swiftly find their end, I realize that finishing school really just means I have to start over. Yes, I have this PhD, this piece of paper that says I know how to bust my ass and get it done, this certificate that the world can now find no shame in taking me seriously, but really what I have is an end and a beginning. I have the end of the only adult world I've ever known, a place where tolerance reigns supreme and independent thought is especially valuable, a bubble of intellectual stimulation with each individual more brilliant than the last.

This isn't my world anymore.

Now, I have to go out and interact in a world where thoughts and actions may or may not be respected and understood, where free thinkers are little bit harder to find, where education takes a necessary backseat to simply getting by.
Yes, I have an end and a beginning, but I also have a shift. Like these cool, clear months of Autumn where the earth starts to withdraw into Herself and expend less energy in preparation for the long, cold, dormant months of Winter, I too must withdraw into myself. Not to lie dormant but to access the tools that I've been given: the tools to meet the world with joy and wonder, the tools to hold space for those who are tight and insecure, the tools to remain true and honest in the face of adversity of any kind, the tools to love this beautiful life in all its pain, suffering, joy and astonishment. I have those tools. I've spent 28 years surrounded by gurus and teachers, giving me the tools to go live this journey.
So now, on the eve of this new adventure, I must pause in the Autumn of my journey. I must realign my thinking and mindfully choose my path, for Winter is coming but with it the hope of Spring.

Eat, Pray, Love

2010-08-15T12:32:00.000-05:00

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.”

I went with my family to see Eat, Pray, Love last night. The movie was wonderful, and the scenery was absolutely glorious. It made me revisit all the beautiful places of Rome I've seen in my travels; it made me want to take up chanting, and it made me want to get that feeling of falling in love all over again. Truly a great story. However, there was one quote at the very beginning I kept going back to...read it above.

This is exactly the idea that kept me from allowing myself to be in a relationship for years and years. I was terrified I would lose myself, that I would become a suburban house wife with no ambition and no sense...that my beautiful brain (the part about myself I love the most) would seep out of my pores into nothingness, and I would be reduced to my children, my minivan and my husband's dinner. I revolted against it for the vast majority of my 20's. The time when most people actively search for love and lifelong security, I was bound and determined not to join in....until I met Chris.

Then, all bets were off! I plunged headfirst into love, not even pausing to catch my breath. Being as I had shunned relationships for a good 26 years, I had no idea what I was doing. So, I began by downloading all the music he loved and committing it to memory...word for word. Then, like him, I got serious about exercise, stayed up late, went out often and, before I knew it, I had completely immersed myself in his world.

We moved in together, and it seemed that life would be bliss...and I would gradually fade away into his shadow without ever knowing anything was amiss. Then, six months after we moved into our apartment, he took a job traveling four days a week. Suddenly, I had a wake-up call. Four days to myself, with no one on whom to depend, no one to plan my free time or upon whom I could shower my affection. I was completely alone. For the first few months, I cried like an idiot. I had no idea what to do with myself. I literally could not remember a time when I didn't do the things he did....when he did them!

So things shifted again...I threw myself into cleaning, laundry, cooking and working...so when he was home, life could be gentle and easy with only each other to focus on. EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!! I became disillusioned, tired and cranky. I was irritated that he never helped with all the chores and never really appreciated that they were done. I cried, I yelled, I threw fits....we argued our way through another few months, until my dissertation became my single primary focus. Writing consumed me, at the expense of everything else...and still does, for another week or so anyway.

This brought with it yet another change in perspective, this one much healthier and more accurate than the last few had been. I came to realize that what I love doesn't define me, but enriches the completeness of me. Science, yoga, good food, ICE CREAM, good wine, snuggling with my dogs, leaving the laundry for later....all of those things not only shaped my personality but gave me tremendous joy! I didn't have to give them up to be the perfect partner....he wasn't attracted to perfection in the beginning...he was attracted to me. Just me.

So now my days to myself are full of yoga, tai chi, hours in the lab with no one around, long walks with the dogs and yes, maybe a little laundry....but if I don't get to it, the world won't end. There is, after all, always his day off!

So consider this...the next time you're tempted to shape yourself into someone else's mold....

Eat a little ice cream, pray to the God of your understanding, and love yourself in all your glorious uniqueness!!!

Welcome to the light....

2010-07-12T16:13:00.000-05:00

Isabel Grace

dare alla luce is the Italian phrase for giving birth. Literally, it means "to give to the light". My brother and his wife welcomed a brand new soul to the light this morning....all six perfect, precious, tiny pounds of her. Welcome to the world, sweet baby. Your presence makes it a much sweeter place to be!

All Girls' Epic Beach Weekend

2010-07-06T15:44:00.002-05:00

Let me just say this....I rarely do anything crazy, and I hardly ever travel. When, however, you put those two things together, well, you get the best freakin' weekend a couple of gals could really ever ask for!!

A couple of weeks ago, I accompanied my girl DP to Wilmington. Our mission? DP was participating in the Crossfit Level 1 certification (which she passed with flying colors) and I was there for moral and alcoholic support!!

We started the weekend early, heading to the beach midday on Friday to beat the traffic. Arriving at our home away from home, we promptly made ourselves comfortable:

Girls just wanna have fun!

So peaceful and relaxing!

Once we got settled, we made extremely good use of our miniature kitchen and cooked up some fancy paleo-friendly mexican fare....including margaritas (two blenders' worth)!!! We pretty much drank ourselves to sleep, and the next morning I sent DP off to Crossfit while I hit the beach!! I lounged blissfully on the sand with a thousand of my closest friends until my skin was crispy brown and my hair smelled of sea salt. Happily toasty, I returned to the hotel to consume an entire bottle of Malibu coconut rum!! I told you, I don't do it often, but I certainly do it right!!!

Having collected myself in plenty of time, I popped down to pick up DP from Crossfit....and promptly realized we would need more alcohol. She'd had a splendid day, but I have quite literally never seen anyone so exhausted in my life. We grabbed some seafood for dinner , and I made a point of pouring rum directly into her throat. Knowing the medicinal properties of ze malibu, I was not surprised that she revived immediately! We toiled the rest of the evening away with bad 90's movies, more rum and the contemplation of the nature of god. After all, everyone is more insightful when they're drunk, yes?

Our last morning arrived bright and early. We packed our kitchen, our cooler and our bags, then DP headed off to be brilliant and I went down to the beach to perfect my bumminess! After the epicness of the day before, I wasn't able to stay in the sun quite as long. So, after some contemplation, I wandered around downtown Wilmington for a bit until I discovered Buddy's Oyster Bar. I dropped into this little dive and ordered up a pint. Not long had I been sitting there when I was joined by Black Beard himself...well not really (d'uh), but I definitely did a double take! I spent the remaining beach hours happily buzzed (catching the trend yet??), being regaled with tales of travel and the romanticism of the sea. Things like that don't typically happen in real life, but once in awhile you get lucky!

Feeling very in tune with my inner pirate, I sailed off to get DP and begin our return trip. The trip may be over, but the feeling lingers....

Why is the Rum gone?!?!

Swoosh!

2010-06-10T21:38:00.001-05:00

Isn't she pretty!

As many of you know, I have a bit of an addiction to my uber awesome MTB, a restored Gary Fisher Sugar 2 that my wonderful man friend gave me on my birthday last year. What you may not have known, however, is how badly I've wanted to be able to ride with said man friend. I absolutely adore riding with DP and her man friend, but I wanted Chris to experience the sheer adrenaline rush that is racing down a trail at Lake Norman State Park, praying to some god, somewhere, that you won't hit a tree at the base of the hill and die. Okay, so maybe its not quite that dramatic, but there have been times when I've let out a brief scream and/or been tempted to close my eyes at the impending obstacle (never a good idea, by the way).

Chris gets a new toy

In any event, I was firmly convinced that my love would totally dig mountain biking, if only I could get him on the trail. This past week, however, he surprised me yet again by purchasing his own beautiful MTB from our local bike shop. I suppose hearing me go on and on about how much fun I've been having had an effect on him...that and the irresistible pull of full-suspension technology to an engineer!

To my delight, we picked up his new Cannondale on Monday, decked him out with gloves and a sturdy new helmet and hit the trail up at Jetton Park! Dubbed as a beginner's trail, it was really anything but! Lots of roots and rock obstacles, but at only a mile, Chris got his bike legs under him with relative ease! So much so, in fact, that he took off and left me in his wake on our second and third laps!! A little bit of technical work to do (as do I), but as he puts it, he likes to go fast!

Needless to say, this new adventure we can now share has put me over the moon. I never thought, when he presented me with that trusty Gary Fisher, that I would fall in love with this sport the way I have...and more importantly, I never realized just how cool it would be to share the fun, the speed, the crashes and bruises with the man I love.

Say it with me...ewww!!!!

I used to be much muchier...

2010-05-27T15:53:00.000-05:00

"I try to believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Count them, Alice. One, there are drinks that make you shrink. Two, there are foods that make you grow. Three, animals can talk. Four, cats can disappear. Five, there is a place called Underland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky." -Alice Kingsley

If you've seen Tim Burton's recent take on the Lewis Carroll classic Alice in Wonderland, you'll recognize the quote above. For some reason, it speaks to me today. The entire film is about Alice finding her way back to the confident person she was in her childhood and tackling the obstacles of adult life.
When you stop to think about it, maybe it isn't the message of the original story, but its certainly a good one. I know there was a time when I would not hesitate to speak my truth, to say what I felt and why I felt that way. For those of you thinking "Not much has changed", you're quite wrong. A lot has changed!! While more often than not, I do speak my mind, I find I'm hesitant to do so. It is only with much prodding that I come clean with how I truly feel about things. I've discovered recently that I'm more likely to bite my tongue and keep my opinions to myself. Now, I'm not talking about having a barbecue with friends. That doesn't count. My friends and family know and love me, and I'm certainly not afraid to be who I am in their presence.
No, this is more about the rest of the world...that world that is watching, waiting for you to F*&^ it all up, waiting to remind you that you don't fit the mold! It is in dealing with the people who are not part of my inner circle where I find I lose my muchness.
Of course, this happens to us, as it did to Alice, when we grow up. People tell us we're wrong, stupid, overzealous...any number of things that cause us to hesitate in expressing our true identities. Ironically, it is in the face of exactly that commentary where we must find our muchness!! We must stand up for ourselves and be bold enough to speak out. If not, then our own version of the Mad Hatter will claim that we used to be much 'muchier' and wonder aloud at what happened to such a strong, courageous, confident individual.

SO...with that in mind, resolve to think of six impossible things before breakfast...and then make them happen by the end of the day!!
Off to find my muchness...when you find yours, let me know!!!

Tangible progress

2010-05-25T12:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my 30 day retest at Crossfit. I initially did a baseline workout at the end of my foundations class and thought I had done fairly well. As it turns out, I really hadn't. A month later, I tested out 4 minutes and 45 seconds faster than I had initially. The workout was a fairly simple one, but the results don't lie. Crossfit works, and I am, apparently, walking proof of that fact!

While I was pleased at my obvious progress, it did serve to get me thinking. I know, I know..that can frequently be a scary thing. This time, however, I don't think so. I've posted in the past about my feelings of extreme dissatisfaction with my workouts. I wonder now, however, if my anxiety is over the progress that I don't see day to day, but in retrospect is certainly visible.

In reality, haven't I just traded one ideal for another? Many women strive to be super skinny and Victoria Secret model-esque. That's the accepted ideal in our society. Those of us who Crossfit, however, don't see the appeal in these types of women. Rather, we strive to be muscular and strong, bold and confident. We all want to look like the women of the 2009 Crossfit games. So I wonder if, while the latter is certainly healthier and better in the long run, I've simply set my sights on a new, but still unattainable goal? Thoughts???

The Visitors

2010-05-23T15:18:00.000-05:00

We hung out at Crossfit Charlotte today with my girl, DP. Those guys (and gals) are wicked focused! I was actually a little scared. The workout was stupendously difficult, but as always, in a good way!

25 Wallballs (12lbs)
5 Hill sprints (with the ball)
20 Wallballs
4 Hill sprints
15 Wallballs
3 Hill sprints
10 Wallballs
2 Hill sprints
5 Wallballs
1 Hill sprint

Time 12:14

I was fairly close to the last person finished, but thankfully, DP took her time (quite obviously I might add!!) and hung in there with me so I wouldn't feel too terribly foolish!

I adore Crossfit and the results that I get, but I always walk away from workouts with a sense of extreme dissatisfaction. It's almost as if those skills that I can't do are taunting me, teasing me that I'll never get there...and of course, I wonder if I will. It's good to work on your weaknesses, but sometimes its hard to swallow when your shortcomings are so glaringly obvious.

Filthy fifty

2010-05-22T10:52:00.001-05:00

"Filthy Fifty"

50 Box Jumps
50 Jumping Pull-Ups
50 KBS (12kg)
50 Lunges
50 K2E
50 Push Presses (33lbs)
50 AbMat Sit-Ups
50 Wall Balls (14lbs)
50 Burpees
50 Double Unders (125 Singles)

Time 35:32

Good lord, I'm slow...but my form is perfect!!!

The "Chief"

2010-05-21T10:58:00.000-05:00

Max rounds in 3 minutes of:

65 pound Power cleans, 3 reps (Mod: 55lbs)
6 Push-ups
9 Squats

Rest 1 minute. Repeat for a total of 5 cycles.

Total: 20 rounds

When the going gets tough....

2010-05-18T17:11:00.000-05:00

the tough pick up heavy shit!!!

While today was far and away an improvement over yesterday, there were still doubts and confusion swimming around merrily in my head...taunting me, if you will. To vanquish them once and for all, I took off a bit early (after spending the day in pseudo isolation...sometimes that can be healthy) and hit up the 4:30 Crossfit group. As it turned out, it was Amy and I with a bunch of sweaty, muscley dudes.
I am not especially modest, so I'll go ahead and tell you that I whooped 'em all!!!

Max Back Squat: 5x5: 105lbs!

5 rounds for time:

21 Box jumps
7 Sumo deadlift high pulls (53lbs)
21 Kettlebell swings (16kg)

Time 13:30

Kicking a hornet's nest...

2010-05-17T19:12:00.000-05:00

I had pretty much the worst day in current memory. For those following, it was highly reminiscent of a day about two years ago when my position as a graduate student was threatened. This time, however, the accusations were personal and out of left field. I left work mad as hell and crying to boot.

Word of warning: DO NOT EVER MAKE ME CRY.

In my limited world view, crying is a sign of weakness and/or helplessness, and when I'm made to feel weak or helpless, I tend to get a little tough to handle. In any event, my irritations for the day fueled a dynamic workout. Yoda say, it is wiser to throw weights than people.

100 Push press 45#
65 Burpees

Time 13:46

The weekly challenge was a 400m row, something with which I'm intimately familiar! Time wasn't so hot (2:10), but damn do I have good form!!

Cindy...

2010-05-14T21:18:00.000-05:00

is not my friend...not even a little bit. Not only do I hate metabolic conditioning (also known as cardio), but I pretty much suck at it...as evidenced by today's workout.

Here she is, Cindy...the distant second cousin of Kelly and a fellow street walker:

AMRAP in 20 minutes:

5 pullups ( I did them with a weight assist...but I still did real pull-ups!!)
10 pushups
15 air squats

Total: 13 rounds + 10 pushups

I ran, I ran, I ran, I ran!!!!!!!

2010-05-13T19:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it was a grand total of 600m, but for somebody who always gets stuck on the rower, it was a momentous occasion. I know better than to push it, but it felt good and as long as I don't go overboard, I think I could be onto something!!!!

Today, that something was:

21-15-9
200m run
Toes to bar
Thrusters (45lbs)
Medball cleans (12lbs)

Time 15:26

Prescribed...almost!

2010-05-12T20:42:00.000-05:00

Today was pretty much murderous, and my time was a total disaster (23:15). However, I was able to do the Crossfit Headquarters prescribed weight for the slamballs and the kettlebells. I thought my arms were going to detach themselves from my body, but somehow I made it through:

500m Run

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 of:
Kettlebell swings (16kg)
Push Press (55 lbs...10 shy of Rx, hence the 'almost')
Slamballs (20lbs)

600m Row...T'was supposed to be another run, but my knee was swelling like a balloon, so Jess made the call and pulled out the rower...as much as I hate it, it was the right decision. All in all, not a bad day at the box.

Reflections of a volatile personality....

2010-05-12T12:37:00.000-05:00

It's about 1:30pm and I'm willing to bet you all know where I am! If you said "the lab", you are, in fact, correct. I am at my desk, surrounded by mounds of papers spewing facts and figures at me regarding thyroglobulin and how it can be used to detect cancer recurrence. On top of that, I face a 136 page document that should, somewhere within it, give me the key to having my malaria protocol approved by the biosafety committee.

Most of you, at this point, have glazed eyes and a wandering mind. Those who are still paying attention are most likely saying, "Um, sure Beck..whatever you say. Weirdo." Reasonable response, really. I don't blame you. As for me, while all of these things pile up on my desk and my experiments continue to confound and befuddle me, I find myself dreaming of deadlifts and push presses. I discover my mind longs for the simplicity of picking up heavy shit and worrying only about beating the clock (and the triathlon chic who is my nemesis). Mentally, I meander to the world of paleo baked goods and how tonight's dinner will be zone appropriate and 100% paleo...and how proud I am of my new badass cave woman cooking skills!

Basically, in all the chaos of my degree and the swirling vortex that engulfs it, I need a little peace. I need a place to be successful 100% of the time; a place where people want me to do well and are happy and pleased when I do. I need a place where the loudest sound is the breath of my neighbor, hoisting 250 lbs from its spot on the floor! I used to find that kind of peace on my mat, and sometimes I still do. However, for someone as volatile as I am, I need something with a little more fire to get the stress out.

In short, Crossfit is the reason I don't self-destruct...and the "side effects" aren't bad either!

Perfect form just gets you more weight...

2010-05-10T21:33:00.000-05:00

5 rounds for time:

400m row
15 Dead lifts
30 Abmat situps

First two rounds were actually okay, as my deadlifts were only 65lbs..nothing major. However, when Coach Steve saw me doing them, he decided that my form was too good and, therefore, I needed more weight. 95lbs was not fun...but I did it and in a somewhat respectable time of 21:53....I still hate cardio.

So much for rest day....

2010-05-07T19:17:00.000-05:00

I couldn't resist the challenge of "Fight Gone Bad".....

3 rounds, 1 minute/station:

Push press
Row
Wall balls
Sumo deadlift high pulls
Box jumps

Score: 263

Daily challenge: 400m run...time 2:38....
Very tired now.

Impromptu rest day...

2010-05-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just don't have what it takes.

I think today is one of those days. In response to the havoc that is being wrecked in my body today, I believe I will give myself permission to take it easy and rest. A gentle yoga flow to get the blood going, and that, I think, will have to be sufficient.

Sometimes, the hardest workouts are the ones we don't do.

I love that I suck...

2010-05-05T19:15:00.000-05:00

As a dear friend told me recently, bang your drum as loudly as you can and love that you suck.

Strange words, yes? Not really, no! When you think about them, you realize it just means being happy with where you are, right here, right now. Apply that to my adventures at Crossfit, and I really do love that I suck...because boy oh boy, do I ever!!! If I didn't love Crossfit so much and know this is the best workout a person could ever hope to get, I'd quit right this second...but thankfully I have my DP to remind me that everybody sucks at first...and then, one day, you don't anymore!!

Today's uber suckage:

5 rounds for time:
15 Wall balls (12lbs)
5 Burpees
15 Sumo Deadlift High Pulls (30lbs/12kg)
200m Row

18:22....le sigh.

Dizziness and kettlebells!

2010-05-03T19:57:00.002-05:00

So today was a very strange one! I spent the majority of the day in a dizzy haze, having difficulty putting one foot in front of the other, much less doing actual science! I opted to go home and promptly fell into a deep sleep for about an hour. When I awoke, the dizziness was gone, but I still felt a little weak. I chugged a bottle of water and skipped off to meet Chris at Crossfit....I know, not the brightest idea I ever had!

Surprise of surprises...I rocked that workout today! I don't know where I found the strength, but kettlebells, push presses and band pull-ups are apparently my forte...who knew? I think it was the socks!

For time:

25 PULL-UPS

30 KBS - 5 PP

25 KBS - 10 PP

20 KBS - 15 PP

15 KBS - 20 PP

10 KBS - 25 PP

5 KBS - 30 PP

25 PULL-UPS

33lbs PP, 25lb KB

19:41...mwahaha..I love strength workouts!!!!

Kelly is a whore....

2010-04-30T19:17:00.000-05:00

...and I say that with all the venomous attitude I can muster. Today's workout was HORRIBLE. I royally SUCK at endurance training. Give me thrusters, overhead squats and deadlifts any day of the week. Please, just don't make me row!! Why all this wretched attitude? Well, here you go, Kelly in all her street walking glory:

5 rounds or 30 minutes:

500m row
30 box jumps
30 wall balls (12lbs)

I finished four rounds + 488m row... Slightly exasperated with my lack of lung capacity and cardiac endurance...another day where I desperately wish I could run...le sigh.

A date with Fran...

2010-04-28T20:54:00.000-05:00

Today was my first attempt at 'Fran', one of the trademark Crossfit workouts. Most people in a gym measure strength by a bench press. At Crossfit, its by 'Fran time'. What, you ask, is Fran? Well, here's the breakdown:

For time:

21-15-9
Thrusters
Pull-ups

Time = 5:44

Doesn't sound so bad, right? Well actually, today it wasn't....but that's cause I'm a big ole' sandbagger! I definitely DID NOT do it on purpose. Coach said 33lb thrusters, so that's what I did. I'm betting I could have done 50lbs with only a little trouble. Sadly, the result was that Fran was a tremendous letdown. I did ring pulls instead of kipping pull-ups, because when I tried to kip, I couldn't do a single one. The problem with that is the ring pulls are waaaaaayyyyy too easy...and there was no option in between. Le sigh. Next time I'll know....more weight and get to work on those pull-ups!!! While I love Crossfit and I know I will improve over time, I must say its been quite a while since I've done something at which I suck so royally!!

First official WOD...

2010-04-27T10:59:00.000-05:00

Holy hell....ouch, ouch, ouch and did I say ouch!!!?? Monday was my first official Workout of the Day (WOD) with the 'real' 6:30pm group at Crossfit Vitality. All I can really say is that I kind of suck...actually, I suck a lot. My only claim to fame is that I did a handstand unassisted and nobody else could. That was part of the warm-up. The hellish workout went something like this:

5 rounds for time:

3 power hang cleans (45lbs)
6 box jumps
9 push-ups
12 Knees to elbow (K2E)
200m row

Nobody bothered to mentioned the pull-up bar on which the K2E were done was covered in sticky tape to avoid slippage...OR that the chalk by my bar was to protect my hands from said tape. So now I have huge welt-like blisters across both hands....and my time just sucked...5 rounds in 16:35..ugh.

D'oh...

2010-04-23T18:02:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I can be unbelievably stupid. As I always say, 'stupid should be painful'...and baby, today it is!!! Last day of foundations at Crossfit Vitality today...we had the graduation workout!! Tons and tons of fun...except! Let's see if you can find the part(s) that did me in:

For time:

400m run

20 Wall balls

20 Push press

20 Wall ball lunges

20 Sumo deadlifts

5 box jump burpees

200m run

My total time was 12:30..and I'll even give you a hint...I'd have done much, much better if I hadn't had to WALK the last 200m run. Chatted with Coach and next time I'll be getting my butt on the rower...there's a good chance he's never going to let me run again!!!

Le sigh.

Your workout is our warm-up....

2010-04-22T12:30:00.003-05:00

Wheeeeeee!!!!! Chris came to Crossfit with me last night. I know it seems strange, but having him across the gym, even with both of us embroiled in the worst round of med ball cleans ever, makes all the difference! Better still, he loved the efficiency of it and will be testing out of the Foundations class on Monday. I, on the other hand, have to finish the class and learn what to do with weights higher than 20lbs!

The class itself was fantastic! We did some light jogging and stretching, followed by Tabata push-ups (20 seconds work, 10 seconds rest...four rounds). Chris missed the part about it being a warm-up and went full bore...dude must have pumped out a hundred reps or something crazy. I didn't try to kill myself, but it happened anyway. Push-ups are, and have always been, my nemesis! Skill work consisted of overhead squats, medicine ball cleans, wall ball throws and slam ball squats....that squat trend you're seeing....yeah, that would be the ultimate demise of my hip flexors!

The actual workout was ten minutes, as many rounds as possible (AMRAP) of the following:

10 push-ups
5 med ball cleans
5 overhead squats (15lb dumbbells)
2 burpees

Me: 5 rounds, +6 push-ups Chris: 9.5 rounds....hmph...showoff!

Overall, it was the worst 10 minutes of my life and, in many ways, the best. Midway through, Coach Steve crouches down beside my gasping form and whispers...."surely you're not going to let him beat you, right??"

Right, Coach...absolutely right...and if he does, there's a good chance I'll die trying to catch him!

Oh Crossfit....

2010-04-19T19:07:00.000-05:00

where have you been all my life??? How do I love thee....let me count the push press reps! Yup, the Beccabee is off and running on a new workout kick. Crossfit is everything a gal (or guy) could want in a workout....functional movements done at high intensity for short periods of time. Seriously, Coach Steve kicked my ass in 10 minutes, 50 seconds!!! Take that treadmill!! HA! So what was this phenomenal workout I did today?? I'm so glad you asked!! Here it is...modified a touch for clumsy newbies, but excellent just the same:

15-12-9 reps of:

Air squats
Push press
Box jumps
200m run

The funny part is that I was sitting there all smug, because all the gals in the 'foundations' class were given 15lb bars for their push press reps! I figured it would be cake...I slug around 15 lbs like its not even there. Why is this funny, you ask? It's funny because just as I started to take my place at one of the 15lb bars, Coach Steve looks over and says, 'Oh no, Rebecca...you're over here with me and the guys." Yeah, Coach Steve, the guys, and THE 45LB BAR!!!!!!!!!!! So much for smug! Coach took one look at my reaction and belted out a laugh that would have made Old St. Nick extremely proud!!! He still made me do it, though. I also got the extreme pleasure of two boxes instead of one for the box jumps...at least for the first round. After that, I felt my knee start to tingle, and I begged to go down a box. Wish granted, thankfully!

The greatest part about the whole thing? No, it wasn't the guy weight...it wasn't the run...it wasn't the shortness of the workout (although that was very nice!)...it was the sense of accomplishment!

I mean, let's be honest...I'm one of the most competitive people I know...working out with a group of folks is really going to push me to do my very best every second of every exercise. Even with the challenge of the extra height and weight, I did it AND I did it with the second fastest time of my group of ten...and damn if that's not something to make me proud!!!

A beautiful morning ride.....

2010-04-13T09:49:00.001-05:00

I took the plunge today and began my life as an official bicycle commuter. It was a little strange, and I was oddly nervous, but everything went swimmingly (I'm into water metaphors today, for some unknown reason).

Last night, I took everything out of my pack that wasn't absolutely essential and packed my lunch with extreme care. I exchange the water bottle in my bike for a coffee mug and ecstatically discovered that it fit beautifully!!! I rolled up a change of clothes and shoes to go in my bag...'cause biking makes you smelly! All in all, I felt like I was packing for an expedition to the Arctic circle!! One can never be too careful, you know!

This morning I got up extra early to check and recheck and check again. The last thing I wanted was to be stranded 2 miles into my 7 mile ride with no one to come get me! Once I was assured that I had my extra tube, my CO2 pump, all my school gear and my awkwardly attached yoga mat, I buckled on my helmet and off I went!!!

The first 41/2 miles or so was on the greenway...a beautifully easy ride through green grass and a bubbling creek to accompany my whole ride. It was quite relaxing...a great way to wake up and see the world! Upon my abrupt arrival into traffic, I opted to walk the Crosstrail across the street and up the hill...I probably looked like an idiot with my spaceship helmet and walking a bike, but really, I don't want to die!!! Quickly exiting the chaos for the safety of campus, I hopped back on and made it to the lab in three minutes flat!
Total trip: 33 minutes! I was a touch sweaty and a little breathless, but what an amazing way to start the day! I'm totally hooked!!!

P.S. With the five foot snake right at the creepy bridge underpass, the ride home wasn't nearly as enjoyable...but I still love it!

Everything hurts....

2010-04-06T15:24:00.005-05:00

Whew! T'was wonderful to take a break from life and head off for the weekend. Easter was a wonderful weekend full of family and friends.

Additionally, I got a couple days off from training...three whole days of no yoga, no running, no biking and no Insanity. Normally, this would make me absolutely nuts. Not this time! Why, you ask? Well, because sometimes your body needs a break. Certainly rest days are built into a workout regimen, but every once in awhile you need more than that. I started the weekend in utter agony. I could barely lift my arms above my head, and bringing my knee to my chest felt like lifting a ton of bricks. In short, I was tired.

When that happens, its good to step back and relax for a few days. If not, pushing through it could easily result in injury, as I've learned all too well in the past! So, three days off and yesterday found me back to it...full of energy, ready to rock it out! Of course, post Insanity Max Cardio Conditioning, all that energy mysteriously dissipated....funny thing about a good workout :-)

Easter....

2010-04-02T10:33:00.003-05:00

However you celebrate or don't celebrate, I wish you peace in all things and blessings for a joyful weekend.

A tiny voice in my head...

2010-03-31T12:01:00.001-05:00

screams at me every day I progress through Insanity, telling me I'm a nutcase and normal people would never do this! My conclusion: that little voice is probably right. Normal people would never do this!! I don't claim to be normal; I claim to be driven, goal-oriented and forever in search of the next big challenge.

While Insanity is certainly not rock-climbing in Patagonia or kayaking the coast of Washington, it does provide me with my daily jolt of "can I really do this??"! Last evening, with the introduction of Max Plyo Circuit training, was no different. The warm-up was its own workout, as usual, but what followed was a special brand of crazy. Forty-five minutes of sheer, unadulterated torture. I balanced and jumped on one leg, then the other. I spun around mid-air and back again. I frog jumped; I did suicide drill squats; I did power push-ups; I struggled with one arm side push-ups, and ultimately, I collapsed in a heap.

Now usually, I lie still for a few moments, regain my strength and am good to go. Not this time, my friends. The pain and muscle fatigue carried through the entire evening, inhibiting even my ability to lift a (very light) skillet! Not your normal workout...but as I've said, I'm not your normal gal :)

Oh what fresh hell....

2010-03-29T17:07:00.000-05:00

will Shaun T create next???

Today was my first foray into the second month of Insanity DVD workouts. Max Interval Circuit handed me my ass. A full hour of circuit training in horrifying and painful 3 minute spurts. All of the old players were present, with new additions from suicide side jumps, floor switch kicks and full body drills to make me sweat, stumble and ultimately beg for mercy....and I LOVE IT!!!!!!!

Love on the open road...

2010-03-23T08:33:00.006-05:00

So amazing what a couple of days can do for one's outlook! Last week found me feeling glum and weak, out of shape and a bit on the chub-chub side. Whether this was actually the case or not is irrelevant. Perspective is everything, no?
Anywhoosiers...I was bound and determined to find my muchness and get back on track...and so I did, my dear readers! SO I DID!!!!

First up...I conquered the Pure Cardio workout Friday evening. It bested me Thursday, but I tackled it with fresh resolve on Friday and won! Mwa ha ha :-) Of course, that was a mere warm up to.....(drum roll please)....

The inaugural ride of my new, BEA.U.TI.FUL Tricross. My oh my is she lovely!! So smooth, so zippy...it was love at first pedal, indeed! My beautiful DP and I strapped into the SIDIs, secured the space ships (also known as helmets) and hit the loop in Waxhaw for 20 miles of sheer happiness and joy. Yes, I was exhausted. Yes, my quads screamed their opposition throughout the entire endeavor. No, I didn't care. There is nothing quite like a quiet, open road and the zip, zip, zip of my wheels on the pavement. It was heaven, pure heaven.

All smiles, because we rock!!

Frustrations abound....

2010-03-19T10:21:00.002-05:00

This week I just can't seem to shake it! I know I've been sick and such, but I can feel the weakness in my muscles! It makes me absolutely insane!

I even started my Pure Cardio yesterday and bagged after the warm-up...just didn't have the energy. MUST Must must get back on track with nutrition, sleeping and exercise...cause this whole sluggish, skinny fat thing just sucks.

The luck o' the Irish....

2010-03-17T09:59:00.004-05:00

May your neighbors respect you, trouble neglect you, the angels protect you, and heaven accept you.
May the Irish hills caress you.
May her lakes and rivers bless you.
May the luck of the Irish enfold you.
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you.

Plague revisited and other musings...

2010-03-09T10:42:00.005-05:00

So for the last week, I have battled fever, muscle aches, chills, phlegm and the ever persistent cough. My oh so generous man friend decided to bring an incubus of viral plague home to me from Atlanta! Wasn't that sweet???

In any event, breathing has been difficult and therefore, exercise has been essentially nonexistent! I decided, after a particularly nasty work day, that I'd had quite enough of this inactivity and broke out my Insanity Cardio Power and Resistance DVD last night. Holy s*@#!!! I finished the workout, but its conclusion found me face down on the floor begging for air! Note to self: Insanity is only for days when I'm 100% on my game...viral plague free!!!

In other exercise related news, I have paid the late fee in full and completed all my make up hours to receive my 200 hr teacher training certificate from Wilmington Yoga Center!!! Yep, its official...I'm licensed!

While I maintain my resolve to never, ever teach in a yoga studio (cause those people are craaaazy), this milestone has definitely made me stop and evaluate exactly where I am in my general state of fitness and my yoga practice, in particular.

When I consider what I want from yoga, I take a look at people like Kathryn Budig, Elena Bower and Kristin Cooper-Gulak. All these women are celebrated for their teaching (and practicing), but more importantly, they are celebrated for who they are as individuals. So many yogis aspire to "be like the teacher", forgetting that they, themselves, are just as beautiful and full of life! I'll admit to it...I wanted to be Sarah Finn (my first yoga teacher-AMAZING) so bad I could taste it when I first started practicing! We read articles about world renown teachers and what they do, what they eat, what music they like...and suddenly we adopt all those details as part of us...because that's what good yogis do. Well I'm here to tell you, enough is enough!!!!

The beautiful thing about yoga is that it is an individual practice. You, your mat and your resolve...that's it...that's all you need. Those women I spoke of achieved the level of success they have by staying true to their own natures, by practicing in an authentic way that spoke to them as individuals.

So, when I think about what I want from yoga, I resolve to engage myself on my mat every day in my own way, with my own sequences, with my own approach to what my body needs that day. It doesn't matter how other people practice or that they practice at all. What matters is that I get what I need on my mat. The same goes for my students...if they walk away finding some authentic expression of themselves, then my job is done. That's really all there is to it...whether they're uber bendy advanced yogis or struggling Nascar boys...authenticity is where its at!

This doesn't have to be limited to yoga, either. This can be general fitness, academics, work, whatever. Don't do something just because someone else thinks its a good idea. Our bodies, our minds, everything about us is unique to us! What works for one person doesn't always apply to another person...so don't be afraid to experiment, dabble, play...find what works for you! When you find it, it'll be a revelation!!!

Not bad for a plague-ridden week, eh?

Just for fun...

2010-03-07T14:57:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite postures

All the right things...

2010-03-03T10:28:00.003-05:00

It would seem, from the countless articles I read and from the advice of my fabulous DP, that I'm doing all the right things and putting in all the time I should. My quads are uber firm; my arms are getting more toned with every day, and I'm generally excited about my shape! It's a tremendously good feeling.....except...

Well, except for my midsection. Abs are notoriously difficult for women to tone and flatten, but when one puts in an hour of cardio most days and follows it up with resistance bands and weights, one should have a good handle on belly flab. I simply do not. The culprit is not my workout, nor is it the nicely balanced plus a little extra protein diet that I stick to pretty well....

Apparently, according to experts the world over, the culprits are lack of sleep and stress. Based on that assessment, I can kiss those flat abs good-bye...and so can most of the other overachieving women I know!!!

I think...

2010-02-26T19:12:00.002-05:00

I might die. Holy crap! Made the recommit to INSANITY today...began with my old friend Plyometric Cardio Circuit. It's not that I'd forgotten how hard it is, but I'd forgotten how hard it is!!!

It wasn't as bad as when I began the program outright, but it came pretty close. I got through about half of the 40 minute workout before I decided that my legs were actually made of lead, and gravity is a heartless bitch! I made it through, however, and for whatever reason, I'm always ridiculously proud of finishing any of Shaun T's versions of hell on earth!!

Next up...a few weights and some resistance bands...then a shower and FOOD!!!! I will say this, though...as soon as I can afford to restock my entire fitness wardrobe, I will wear NOTHING but Athleta Chase Skorts...they are divinely comfortable and absorb sweat unbelievably well...not to mention they kinda make me feel like a figure skater with those little skirts....hey, a gal can dream!

One last thing before I go....I've been struggling with the idea of the female form and the "correct" image over the last couple of weeks. I've discovered that the more I work out, the better I feel...but the bigger my quads become, the firmer my bum gets, more definition appears in my already broad shoulders and generally, I'm actually bigger than I was before I committed to my health in this pseudo-extreme manner! So where does that leave me in a world that worships the likes of waifish Kate Moss and fires size 4 models for being 'fat'?

At first glance, it leaves me sobbing hysterically in the fitting room at Anthropologie (which actually did happen, I'm ashamed to say).

When you look a little closer, however, it puts me in, at least phenotypically, with the likes of Lindsay Vohn, Julia Mancuso, Joannie Rouchette and Sinead Kerr. Who are these women? Nope, they're not models or actresses...they're Olympians. They are all women who have performed feats of amazing strength and tenacity. They are stunningly beautiful and wonderfully gracious. They are heroes to people all over the world, and incidentally, they all have pretty sizable thighs.

I think I have an attention problem....

2010-02-24T13:30:00.007-05:00

because my workout MUST change, or I get insanely bored. So, here it is...the workout that made me clutch my abs in agony this morning:

Minutes	MPH	Incline
0:00-3:00	3.0	1
3:00-3:30	3.5	2
3:30-4:00	3.5	4
4:00-4:30	3.5	6
4:30-5:00	3.5	7
5:00-6:00	5.0	1
6:00-7:00	4.0	1
7:00-7:30	4.5	2
7:30-8:00	4.5	4
8:00-8:30	4.5	6
8:30-9:00	4.5	7
9:00-10:00	3.5	1
10:00-11:00	6.0	1
11:00-12:00	3.5	1
12:00-12:30	5.0	2
12:30-13:00	5.0	4
13:00-13:30	5.0	6
13:30-14:00	5.0	7
14:00-16:00	3.5	1
16:00-17:00	6.0	1
17:00-20:00	3.0	1

I think that hill routine may have been the end of me, but noooo, I decided to push forward for another hour with this:

For ABS:
Side plank with a twist x 24
Criss cross crunch x 40
Ball pass x 12 (HOLY CRAP, is this hard!!!)
Plank Pike-up x 12

For Arms and Shoulders:
Propped Push-up (with a medicine ball) x 16
Smash Down x 30
Star Pass x 25
Ball Flye x 24

Shortly following this, I felt like dying...but sleep worked just as well!!!

Rock 'n roll yoga.....

2010-02-22T13:33:00.002-05:00

Sunday was a strange day for the Beckster. It marked the first time in almost four months that I have participated in a yoga practice with other people. I'll admit, it felt a little strange...and claustrophobic. I did it, though, and it actually felt pretty good! Why did I do it, you ask? Well, good question...here it is:

Last year I very nearly completed all the requirements for yoga teacher certification, save two hours of practice and some homework I failed to turn in. Given the bitter events of late fall, I had originally opted to not complete the requirements and forego my certification. My YTT teacher, Kristin, encouraged me to change my mind and made it financially possible for me to complete the program.

SO...I arose at 3:30am Sunday morning and was on the road to Wilmington by 4:15. Accompanied by Michael Franti, Amos Lee and the cast of Wicked, it was a soothing, quiet drive that I actually enjoyed. The sun rose to greet me as I got closer and closer to the beach, which was a beautiful sight. Arriving in Wilmington, I spent a little time reading to pass the hour before class.

The practice itself was extraordinary. While the room was packed with people, it was full of good energy and happiness...something that is often missing from yoga studios here in Charlotte. The Kunga drummers accompanied our practice, grounding us for the first hour in an earth-based, stabilizing practice, then revving it up for the last hour in a fire-based self-led vinyasa flow. It was exactly what I needed...especially after that drive!!!

I was able to speak briefly with Kristin after class, sharing the full circle of events that have occurred in the last few months. She expressed compassion and understanding, and I feel she and I have reached a place of quiet respect and gratitude. It feels good to let the anxiousness go.

I treated myself to an awesome orange-beaded bracelet and a cup o' joe from the co-op downstairs, then hopped back in the Suby for the drive home. It was a beautiful sunny day, 60 degrees with a light wind. Rolling the windows down and blasting the music, I felt invigorated and light! The perfect way to wrap up a long, long journey!!!

What I had forgotten, however, is how much work a two hour practice is....when I got home, I was HUNGRY!!! Saying to hell with my diet, I consumed every piece of protein in sight, as well as some lovely pound cake-esque carbs and a little ice cream (or a lot). After satiating my poor tummy, I settled down to pseudo watch the race and await the arrival of my man friend...and when that happened at 3am this morning, my perfect day was complete!
Namaste, yo!!

The plan of attack....

2010-02-19T14:48:00.003-05:00

for the evening will consist of:

Insanity's cardio circuit (40 minutes)
resistance bands (30 minuts)
Ab workout (15 minutes)
Yoga (20 minutes)

There's been an awful lot of negativity swirling around me today, and I simply feel the need to run, push, jump, stretch and kick it out of the way! It's always harder to find my mojo on the weekends when Chris is away, but a good workout is the perfect place to start!

Vertical tower of awesomeness....

2010-02-18T11:22:00.002-05:00

Whew! What a day at the gym I had yesterday!!! I decided to fore-go getting back into Insanity while Chris was home...gym time is actually bonding time for us, if you can believe that!

So, in lieu of the craziness, I opted for my own version of interval training....15 minutes on the bike, 10 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the treadmill....to get me started! I'll admit, I stole the idea from Fitness Magazine, but it worked beautifully and got my heart rate soaring!

After that, I picked up some heavy stuff, courtesy of my very own personal trainer, DP...she's fab! THEN, I worked with resistance bands for about 30 minutes....that s%$* is tough!!! I could really feel it in my abs, though.
Last but not least, I finished up with some killer yoga. Got my heart rate revved up once more with truncated sun salutations (i.e. lots of jumps and chaturangas), then did some fancy poses for fun. Enter the 'vertical tower of awesomeness'. I did, hands down, the BEST mountain climber I have EVER done....I mean, it was unbelievable! On both sides, my leg was extended in an almost perfect vertical line to the ceiling...AND I was able to hold for five breaths! Thus, my darling man friend dubbed me the vertical tower of awesomeness....I must say, I kinda like it!

BIKE:

Minutes	What To Do	RPE
0:00-5:00	Warm up gradually	5
5:00-7:00	Pedal steadily at about 85 rpm (level 7-10)	5-7
7:00-8:00	Speed up to 100 rpm (level 7-10)	7-9
8:00-14:00	Repeat minutes 5 to 8 twice more, going 2 minutes moderate and 1 minute fast	5-9
14:00-15:00	Recover for 1 minute	5

ELLIPTICAL:

Minutes	What To Do	RPE
15:00-18:00	Move at a moderate level (level 6-9)	5-7
18:00-20:00	Increase setting (level 14-16)	7-9
20:00-25:00	Repeat minutes 15 to 20, gradually slowing in last 30 seconds to a moderate intensity	5

TREADMILL:

Minutes	What To Do	RPE
25:00-27:00	Walk briskly or jog (3.5 or 5.8 mph)	5-7
27:00-29:00	Run at a quicker pace (5.8 - 7.0 mph)	7-9
29:00-33:00	Repeat minutes 25-29	5-9
33:00-35:00	Walk briskly or jog (3.5 or 5.8 mph)	5-7
35:00-40:00	Cool down (3.0 - 4.5 mph)	4

To write love on her arms.....

2010-02-14T17:36:00.002-05:00

The title is stolen from a nationwide movement dedicated to teaching women, well anyone really, that each individual is beautiful and perfect the way they are....just a shameless plug from yours truly!!!! Along that same vein, I present you, my darling readers, with a recap of the last week in the world of me.

I won't lie. This week has been one of the worst in recent memory. It began with a knee injury (see older post), and then the snowball effect kicked in. I dealt with more departmental politics than any graduate student should ever face, all thanks to some 'oh so wonderful' fellow students. This issue took all week, but it did finally get resolved!!! I had to wrangle with the pharmacy to correct a major medical error, which nearly derailed my entire bubble. In addition, my beloved is away for the week (something to which I still must adjust) and I did severe damage to my back and shoulder due to a headstand gone awry! I will confess, however, that the headstand incident was exceedingly funny....if you're not me!

So, I finished the week mentally and physically beaten up, only to face the horrors (and price tags) associated with four hours of jean shopping...and coming home empty-handed! Last but not least, I faced a day of cleaning up carpet and emptying trash, as my darling canines were sicker than I've seen them in quite some time. It may have something to do with the fact that they have consumed half a cedar chest in the last couple of days....apparently that tastes better than rawhide!

Now I sit here to recap, and all the emotions and trials (and, yes, tears) of the week are over. I made it. I am tired, certainly, but I faced each problem and worked to solve it as best I could. In light of that fact, today is a day to celebrate not only the love that is so incredibly abundant in my world (in so many forms!!!) but the strength and tenacity of amazing women everywhere! So here's to the women (and men) who face challenges, overcome them and move forward. In your rush to show everyone else your love today, make sure you share some with yourself! After all, you deserve it....and so do I.

Derailed....

2010-02-09T19:57:00.002-05:00

Ouch, ouch, ouch...OUCH!!! So, today was plyometric cardio circuit...one of the workouts at which I'm fairly decent. Not today, however. I've been feeling a slight strain in my left IT band for a couple of days, but I've had no adverse effects from it. During the warm-up phase of my workout today, I started in on my jumping jacks, only to find myself eating carpet. My "good" knee gave out on me...oh joy!
So, for the rest of the week, I will do the cardio recovery workout and my resistance bands in hopes of resting my knee back into shape. If that doesn't work, well, I'll be pissed.
On top of all the other oh-so-fun crap that went down today, I'm trying desperately not to be depressed over this. Of course, ice cream might help, but that's really the worst idea for someone who has to exercise lightly, if at all, for the next week. Le sigh.

Fit Test, Day 15

2010-02-08T19:18:00.004-05:00

So Week 3 of INSANITY is here...and it starts with a fitness evaluation. Doesn't sound so bad, right? Well, I took it on Day 1, and my memory seems to have failed me. I remember it being "not so bad". NOT SO BAD??? Try horrendous, helacious, painful and ugly!!!
My results are:

Switch Kicks: Day 1 = 57 Day 15 = 50 BLEH!
Power Jacks: Day 1 = 45 Day 15 = 54
Power Knees: Day 1 = 78 Day 15 = 91
Power Jumps: Day 1 = 23 Day 15 = 36
Globe Jumps: Day 1 = 6x4 Day 15 = 9x4
Suicide Jumps: Day 1 = 10x4 Day 15 = 15x4
Push-up Jacks: Day 1 = 9 Day 15 = 23!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Low Plank Oblique: Day 1= 50 Day 15 = 67

Overall, much improved! With improvement, however, comes pushing harder and being just as tired as you were the day you first began...and if for some reason I was ready to forget, the nauseousness brings it ALL roaring back!!

Week two fait accompli...

2010-02-06T22:24:00.002-05:00

So I've made it through two whole weeks of INSANITY workouts as of today (tomorrow is a rest day), and I must say, I feel tremendous!!! I'm down 6 lbs in two weeks, and I'm discovering that I no longer pass out within 5-10 minutes of starting the workout. Every day this week I've made it completely through the 40 minute DVD without stopping! I even feel like I could keep going some days! Such an amazing experience!!

It's really phenomenal to me, however, how much nutrition really is crucial to success. Not only does a good macro nutrient balanced diet aid in my weight loss, but I've discovered that eating enough is absolutely paramount to being able to complete my workouts. When I scrimp on nutrition and meals, I feel like crap during my workout and have to drag myself through it. When I eat right and make sure I get my 4x 300 calorie meals before I work out, I feel like a million bucks and often surprise myself at how well I perform!

It's doppelganger week on Facebook, and you never know...maybe before it's all over, I really will look like Ms. Hathaway! Wouldn't that be something!?!?!? I do know one thing, though...when I finish this program, I'm going shopping like I'm Ms. Hathaway...okay, maybe not to that degree but there will be a celebratory outfit in my future!!!

Rockstar....

2010-02-03T20:43:00.004-05:00

Yes, that would be moi.
I was a bad bad fitness fanatic and skipped my workout yesterday, but I made up for it wholeheartedly today! It was Plyometric Cardio Interval training, and whatdya know, the Beckabee did really really well! It may have been the extra rest day, or it may be that I really am getting stronger and faster!

Whatever the case, I DID NOT STOP a single time....not at all... for the first 25 minutes of the workout (which is only 40 minutes long...including cool down and stretch). I made it straight through the crazy "warm-up" drills, did the stretches and rocked the first three intervals! T'was stupendous :) I floundered a little bit when we hit basketball drills and power squats, but it was obvious that I'm making progress...and baby, it hurts soooo good!

Week two, day two...

2010-02-01T18:52:00.003-05:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Day two of week two brought Insanity's version of Pure Cardio...I friggin' hate the sight of that DVD.

Of course, before I got started on the workout, I decided that I would workshop Pinchu Mayurasana (forearm balance). For those of you who don't know, forearm balance is heavily dependent upon strength in the shoulders and triceps, as well as engagement through the thighs and core...in a word, it's tough. So, I spent about 20 minutes warming up and working into it...ultimately was able to hold for 5 breaths against the wall...hey, its progress!

After this little stunt of mine, I started my Pure Cardio workout...holy toledo, batman. Lesson learned: DO NOTHING before you begin any Insanity workout!!!! I lost my mojo with 10 minutes left in the workout and, quite literally, dragged my feet to the finish. At the moment, my legs are still shaking (15 minutes later) and my heart is pounding in my eyes. All I have to say is this s*^# better work!!!!

Namaste, yo!

Week 1 est finito!!!!

2010-01-30T20:17:00.002-05:00

Finally, it's over...for a day. Yesterday I completed week 1 of my Insanity challenge....plyometric cardio intervals once again reared its ugly head! This time, however, I was able to go just a touch faster, last a touch longer and I did not succumb to the nauseousness that plagued my first attempt! However, I thank my lucky stars that today is a rest day!

Too sore to move....

2010-01-29T10:42:00.003-05:00

Insanity...last night was day five! Pure cardio. Imagine, if you will, what that actually means. It means, 9 minutes of the 'warm-up' from hell:

sprints
power jacks
heismans
123-123s
butt kicks
high knees
mummy kicks...
3x with increasing speed and intensity.

Honestly, the warm-up itself could be a separate workout! However, that is not the case with Insanity! Following this lovely routine and 6 minutes of stretching was a straight 20 minutes of the most god-awful cardio experience of my ENTIRE existence. Heismans, football sprints, 123-123s, power jacks, speed sprints, knee to chests, power jump kicks, push-up jacks, level 2 drills...and on and on...

I honestly believed it would never end. I didn't get sick, but I did collapse in a heap on the floor for a good ten minutes.

Good stuff...looking forward to tomorrow...tomorrow...my rest day...tomorrow!

Rumi's field...

2010-01-28T10:11:00.005-05:00

Not too much to report on the Insanity front, as last night was a 'recovery' day. Shaun T took it nice and slow with squats, lunges and some yoga poses. Felt good to move slowly and with intention...not sure how much recovery I really did, but we'll see tonight!

Did manage to get everything finished in time to watch Obama's State of the Union address. Good points? There were a few. I appreciated his willingness to accept blame for the lack of information that has plagued the healthcare debate. I appreciated his emphasis on the facts, whether or not they painted him in a good light (depending on where you stand). I appreciated his emphasis on educational improvements, math and science, as well as affordable means of going to college (even if it is too late for me)!

What I did not appreciate was his misplaced humor and seemingly taunting attitude toward republicans. He was defiant, and that's acceptable, but he was also inappropriate. One does not goad the opposition, especially when the opposition is already hell-bent on not cooperating!

Furthermore, even as he chastised congress for their partisan bickering and discontent, the chamber was FULL of exactly that! The room was clearly divided by party lines, and so were the responses to Obama's talking points. Clearly the idea of working together is more of a nice theory and will fail miserably in its reality.

Last but most certainly not least, the President spoke of what is morally correct...the 'right thing to do' he said (many times). The right thing by what standards? You cannot, as the leader of the free world, stand before your country and talk about what is right....the division that is so apparent in the chamber in which you speak testifies to the idea of multiple perspectives of right and wrong! You don't appeal to the morality of the electorate; you appeal to logic and reason, with concrete proofs, not inspirational statements. In short, the idea of a national morality is a farce, and a bad one at that.

All that to say, for the first time since Obama hit the national stage, I watched and listened with disappointment and chagrin. It makes me sad.

Jump, damnit, I said JUMP!!!

2010-01-27T09:28:00.002-05:00

So last night was day three of INSANITY....the good news? I did not get sick! I powered through about 95% of the workout, keeping up with the video. The rest of the time I gasped for air and prayed for mercy. I did notice, however, that the better I keep up with the nutritional aspect of the program, the easier it is for me to keep up with the crazy fit people in the video! I'll admit it brings me great joy when even they collapse in exhaustion and sweaty goodness.
So what fresh hell did cardio core and resistance present? Here it is:

Warm-up: 3 minutes
Jogging
Power squat jumps
Butt kicks
High knees

Stretching: 6 minutes

Two Rounds, 3 minutes each:
Sprint
Power squats
Butt kicks
High knees
Log jumps
123-123

Three Rounds, 3 minutes each:
Power squat jumps
Hit the floor reps
Hurdle jumps
V-shape pushups
Globe jumps
Vertical leaps

Finishing exercises, 2 minutes:
Tricep pushups
8x8's: pushups, power squats

Cool down and stretch: 6 minutes

Collapse, sleep.

Cardio intervals are really death in disguise...

2010-01-25T20:38:00.002-05:00

Day two of INSANITY...oh dear god in heaven, my rest day (six days from now) cannot come soon enough!

Three rounds of three minute intervals:
Jogging
Jumping Jacks
Heismans
123-123 step
Mummy kicks

Stretching x 6 minutes

Three rounds of three minute intervals:
Suicide Drills
Power Squats
Mountain Climbers
Ski Down Jumps

Three rounds of three minute intervals:
Basketball jumps
Level 1 Drills: 4x push-ups, 8x knees-to-chest, one power squat

One minute intervals:
Straight leg kicks
Football drills

Stretching and cool down x 6 minutes

After which, I promptly got sick and then collapsed on the floor...not a bad day's work, eh!?

INSANITY

2010-01-21T18:29:00.002-05:00

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the freakin' camel!!! There's never been a workout quite like this for the Beckabee.

Soon, I shall lose access to the Hendrick gymnasium, as the man friend will be traveling (and taking his access card with him). The gym at my apartment complex pretty much sucks, so I decided that I would get an 'in-home' workout program. I did some research and narrowed it down to P90X or INSANITY....I chose INSANITY because I didn't have to buy any equipment...simple as that.

WELL....it came yesterday, and I tried the FIRST workout today...the fit test. It's a short warm-up, then eight different exercises, done for max number of reps in a minute each. My heart, 20 minutes later, is still pounding through my eyes and my vision was a little blurry...talk about getting the heart rate up just a wee bit too high! The sad thing is that I don't think I really did all that well:

Switch kicks: 57
Power Jacks: 45
Power Knees:78
Power Jumps: 23
Globe Jumps: 6x4
Suicide Jumps: 10x4
Push-up Jacks: 9 (HOLY CRAP ARE THESE HARD!!!)
Low Plank Oblique: 50 (I did better than the video in this one..THANK YOU YOGA!!!!)

So the gist of it is that I follow this program for 60 days, retaking the fit test every two weeks to track my progress. Hell, what doesn't kill you gives you killer triceps and wash board abs....right??? Right????

I love the smell of science in the morning...

2010-01-19T08:57:00.003-05:00

Let's get one thing straight: I love my job.

I mean, I really, really, really love my job. The lab is my favorite place in all the world. I come in with my coffee in the morning, sit at my desk to review emails, and find my happy place amidst the hum of the -80 degree freezer, the whirl of the centrifuge and the beeping incubator that gently swirls 15ml conicals of liquid death. The sharp smell of E. coli, ethanol and often a little ether are my morning pick-me-ups. The hums and whistles of machines that produce scientific fact bring me extraordinary comfort in an otherwise unclear and murky existence. In the lab, life is simple. Experiments might not work, but if they don't, I can figure out why. There's a reasonable explanation for everything that occurs within these walls and on these benches...and the people with whom I work endeavor alongside me to discover those reasons and allow logic to be our guide. We are grateful every day for the orderliness and complexity of the human immune system that is our focus.

It is true that many of the organisms with which I work are incredibly dangerous and highly regulated. That's what makes it fun. I work each day to get the better of organisms that have spent millenia honing their attack on the human immune system. I marvel at the evolutionary adaptations that continue to allow such beings to evade our best defenses and decimate human populations all over the world. There are some who call these organisms horrible. I see them not as foes that must be defeated for the betterment of mankind, but rather as worthy adversaries, for whom I have the utmost respect.

It is with the highest regard for their methods that I push forward, engaging the highest abilities of my one human brain to bring about the demise of my adversary. Even as malaria is the Dr. Moriarty to my Sherlock Holmes, I will continue to work for its destruction, but if I succeed, the victory will be bittersweet.

The GIRL Effect....

2010-01-14T16:47:00.002-05:00

Investing in girls and women is likely to prevent inter-generational cycles of poverty and yield high economic and societal returns.
Ban Ki-Moon
UN Secretary-General

Truth hurts, dude...

2010-01-12T22:32:00.005-05:00

Facebook is an interesting thing. It provides an opportunity to debate individuals you don't know about issues for which you have a passion. Often, these connections arise via mutual friends postings and the like. I've recently been involved in one such debate, regarding the racial implications of James Camerons' Avatar.
For the record, I think that's bull. However, one of the posters suggested that Cameron brings up a number of relevant issues for today's society: deforestation, racism, suppression, low wages, climate destruction and poverty (I don't agree with most of her assessment, but whatever).
Anyway, the point I'd like to make is that no American, black, white or blue with a tail, has any understanding of true poverty and disaster unless that person was a victim of Hurricane Katrina. There was a 7.0 earthquake in Haiti today...and no one had any means of escaping it. So, what I'm driving at is that Americans sit high in our towers whining about the proper terminology for describing individuals of a different ethnicity (race is a social construct, NOT a scientific one), bickering over whether our President is "black or mixed-race" (a quote from an NPR special today), wasting time shoving our religions down the throats of our neighbors without regard for their personal opinions and ideologies, trying to make sure individual women don't have rights to their own bodies and, of course, Keeping Up with The Kardashians....and while we do all this, people all over the world are dying...so really, I ask you, what exactly are you bitching about????

Fourteen and counting....

2010-01-11T17:32:00.004-05:00

For most people, a garage holds the boxes that won't fit in the attic and one, maybe two vehicles. Our garage is something of an anomaly, and I've decided it needs its own blog space.

Upon our arrival to our current residential matchbox...err...mansion, the garage held one motorcycle and one hybrid bicycle...four tires. (This whole idea hinges on the tire count...so keep track!!) Shortly after moving in, Chris' Integra was discovered in Mount Holly, so the garage obtained an additional four tires, for a total of eight. THEN, Chris decides he really really wants to get his second motorcycle running, so he brings it home from Pete's house, where it was being stored.....ten tires. I got a MTB for my birthday...twelve tires. Chris decided it would be best to sell the Integra and finally did so....eight tires.

We held steady here for awhile, even going so far as to CLEAN said garage, purchase a shelf on which to place all the other crap we've accumulated in there and threw a ton of said crap away! It was marvelous!!!!

THEN....I bought a road bike...ten tires...and Chris has decided that the best place for his shiny new Subaru (not so new anymore) is in the garage....FOURTEEN TIRES!!!!
I submit to you the craziness of the garage that is no bigger than the average living room:

1 Subaru WRX
1 Ninja motorcycle
1 Yamaha motorcycle
1 Gary Fisher Mountain Bike
1 Specialized hybrid commuter bike
1 Specialized road bike

In conclusion, I would like to offer the notion that Chris and I have multiple means of transportation...so if you're ever stuck in the snow (or rain as is often the case in CLT), give a ring...we'll bring you the ride of your choice!

Rethinking my perspective...

2009-12-29T12:15:00.003-05:00

Most of you realize that I have been, for the majority of my life, a raging liberal. I still am.

However, recently I've been given cause to consider what my socialist tendencies (which accompany my liberalism) truly mean for society and my life. A dear friend gave me a particular book for my birthday, and since then, I've begun a debate in my mind.

The book takes a socialist society to its extreme (reductio ad absurdum) and, in so doing, brings forth all that is ridiculous about a society that behaves in this manner. Intelligence is the first thing to go, followed swiftly by commerce, production, human decency and honest interaction. Where competition fostered the development of a thriving industrial humanity, the choking and regulating of such competition destroys the very humanity it was designed to protect. I think, for myself anyway, the most shocking and horrifying loss is that of intelligent, ambitious individuals whose very existence makes the world go round. So horrifying is the idea of such a loss that I was jolted into a sudden understanding of what capitalism truly is...and I find I am converted.

How did it happen? What author has such a grasp on the imaginations of her (yes, her) readers? Ayn Rand, of course.

Read it. You'll see what I mean.

How do you practice your yoga???

2009-12-03T21:01:00.002-05:00

I've been struggling lately with the idea of 'yoga'. The philosophies, beautiful though they may be, are hard to fold into a life such as mine, based on reason and logic with a profound sense of urgency and purpose. To that end, I've walked away from my mat in recent weeks, following my YTT graduation. The experience was far from what I hoped it to be, but it showed me that the flying carpets and head in the clouds mentality of a large portion of the Charlotte yoga community is not my bag...not at all. I walked away feeling less than, judged and ill-prepared for teaching my yoga.
Then, I had a chat with an old friend, who told me this:

"We are real life yoga. We fight, we cry, we yell, we laugh, we self-explore and always try to better ourselves."

She helped me to see that its okay if I question the ideas of the chakras, if I don't buy into the blissful peace that yoga brings to a lot of people, if I'm kind of loud and silly, irreverent even...in other words, I don't have to be anybody else to practice yoga...I just have to be completely myself. So here's to the strong, independent, questioning, intelligent women who inspire me every day to be bold, brave and yeah, maybe a little bit intimidating!

Why I do what I do...

2009-12-01T09:57:00.002-05:00

December 1st is World AIDS Day.
What kind of difference will you make??

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. -Nelson Mandela

The rise of the Libra

2009-10-29T14:21:00.010-05:00

It's been a month of birthdays around here, and we've celebrated in style! Chris got lots of fun toys, and I was graced with a BEA.U.TI.FUL new gary fisher mountain bike...'cause he knows what I like!! So, some pics of the five birthday chaos....

Abundance!!!!

2009-10-14T18:18:00.002-05:00

Tonight consists of a quiet apartment, butternut squash mac-n-cheese with tuna and green beans and an icy cold Leinie Oktoberfest special. Abundance, indeed!

Furthermore, I've decided that Autumn is indeed grand! It's chilly and drab outside, but the wind whips through the trees, swirling brilliantly colored leaves in every direction. Every night ends with walking the dogs and breathing one last beautiful breath of clean, fresh, autumn air...its glorious!

Professionally, I could not be in a better place! My yoga teaching career is off and running with a feature in Sports Illustrated of my Hendrick Motorsports pit crew guys...so cool! Scientifically, I just snagged a $500 pay day and came to the realization that my thyroglobulin project is actually pretty darn cool! I'll be 27 in a few days (*gasp*), and I'm plugging away at a degree in a field I love and spending every day with a man so amazing, I never dreamed he'd exist!!!!

So, friends, blessings abound during this season of harvest...my wish is that you experience it as heartily as I have!
Big big love,
R

Wingin' it...

2009-09-25T10:56:00.004-05:00

Hello, hello! Well, its been awhile, hasn't it? I'm happy to say the delay in posting comes from a full, busy and perfectly glorious life lived each and every day. In other words, it's all groovy, man!

CGD and I have been running around like crazy people, visiting Ohio for weddings and birthdays, traveling to races, graduating from yoga teacher training, taming some white water rapids and trying to maintain our day jobs as best we can! It's been insane, but we're having a great time doing it! Being fully committed to each other and sharing a love of dry, slapstick humor makes just about anything possible.

ANYWAY (enough of that gushy nonsense).....on to the musings for the day!

I've been giving a lot of thought recently to how the influences of other people alter my behavior, thought processes and decisions. Most specifically, I currently have the opportunity to audition a second time at a yoga studio here in town. My first audition, while solid in its foundation, was lacking a certain je ne sais quoi...a certain sense of me in it. Thinking about my upcoming second audition, I realized the problem! A dear and helpful friend assisted me in putting together the sequence for the first audition, and it was tremendously good! It was nice and steady, had an easy flow and matched well with the ancient sounds of traditional chanting yoga music. It was, however, not my class. In my reflections, I realized that I had completely sabotaged the entire endeavor by failing to be my authentic self. Of course my delivery was wooden and stiff....it wasn't my delivery!!! The class had no indication of my personality or tastes. It was a beautifully sequenced class, and I would have loved loved loved to have taken it....I was not meant to teach it. This time, then, will be different. I'll be using funky, upbeat folksy music and, baby, we're gonna flow like crazy....movin' and groovin' is what yoga has always been about for me...that's what my classes need to convey! I won't be writing down the sequence or planning ahead of time....it's all about bringing my mojo and sharing some good vibes.

October 18th Gotta Yoga Studio...see you there!

Namaste...

2009-08-24T14:13:00.002-05:00

'Standard Greeting Pose'

This pose is considered courteous and prudent when meeting a new dog. Walk slowly toward a strange dog. Plant feet firmly on the ground and stretch neck and muzzle toward the other dog. Sniff deeply. Allow him (or her) to do same; hold position. This pose may begin at hindquarters, but it is considered to be more well-mannered to work your way backward from the nose.

-Bow Wow Yoga, Gerry Olin Greengrass

Shadows

2009-07-26T17:47:00.002-05:00

It's been a very long time since I've had knee trouble. This month, ironically, marks the seventh year of my stairwell dive and the subsequent demise of my military career. That was a really long time ago...a lifetime has changed and passed since that summer. I had surgery and got on with it...'it' being life...or so I thought.
I'm four months into my yoga teacher training, and while it hasn't been what I anticipated, I've grown so much in my own practice, conquering poses once foreign to me and finding strength in my muscles. I've come to love my practice and cherish my time on my mat. I'm not a crazy zen yoga teacher, but I do love the benefits and its pretty much the only exercise I'm willing to do. My bike is probably the one exception...my beautiful fire engine red Specialized Cross-trail....it really is stunning...and far too clean. As Brad Paisley would say, it needs a little bit more mud on the tires!
Anyway....it seems the mud will have to wait, and the mat may very well be rolled up and put away. I don't know how or why, but my knee has returned to its presurgery state with full force and vigor. I am reduced to a hobbling mess, unable even to walk my dogs for more than a minute or two. I have spent the vast majority of the last two days couped up in the house with my knee propped and elevated to reduce the swelling that now extends to my toes (if you haven't guessed it yet, this is a feel sorry for myself kind of day). As walking is proving difficult and somewhat painful, I find myself forced to refrain from practicing, and when I did get on my bike this morning, I was able to endure the pain for approximately 45 seconds. In short, here we go again.
CGD, poor guy, spent most of the day with me, hovering to make sure I didn't do something stupid or get pulled down by the dogs in some frenzied excitement. Needing to get out of the house I'd imagine (and sympathize), he took off a short time ago on his own bike, the motorized kind, and left me to fend for myself (which I'm perfectly capable of doing).
What I didn't anticipate was the feeling that came crashing as he left...the feeling that, once again, my knee would hold me back, and I would no longer be able to do the things I love. Without putting too fine a point on it, it takes me back to a period of life lived in the shadows of other people...watching their fun, cheering as they lived my dreams, having to search to find new dreams and, ultimately, being successful in that search. Except now, in far less dramatic fashion, it seems I will have to do it again. I don't know if I can.

Apartment pictures

2009-07-06T13:47:00.018-05:00

So this is it...our beautiful new place. Still have a few things to polish up, but it'll all get done in time. It already feels like we've been here forever, and I'm very much okay with that!

Why plan for the future? It always comes tomorrow!

2009-07-03T09:36:00.003-05:00

I've been fairly prolific with the blog in the last couple of days. Not really much to say, necessarily, just feeling the need to write. Unfortunately, my camera has been usurped by the Madre, so pictorial accompaniments will have to wait for later. Sorry, gang.
Been pondering a few things as of late...here's a sampling for your perusal and commentary:

First, how does one go about altering one's view of the future to include a second perspective? I always believed that I would graduate with my PhD and head off to far-flung locales to save the locals from horrible diseases and win a Nobel Prize. Lately, it seems more and more that I will end up being the world's most over-educated yoga teacher! My exotic adventure destinations don't quite fit for a mechanical engineer who loves to work with race cars, and I'm not willing to abandon the life we're building. Hmmm...thoughts, ideas, suggestions?

Then, assuming I do become the world's most over-educated yoga teacher, how does one go about altering the mind set of achievement and competition that has been so carefully and lovingly cultivated for the last 26..okay 27...years? I've been a scientist all my life. The realities of the field demand a competitive spirit and an unwavering ambition, both of which I pride myself for possessing. In yoga, however, the focus is on the individual. Competition is set aside, and ambition is taboo. You don't do yoga to get better at it; you just do it. There is no goal to reach or level to achieve. You just breathe and flow. That's it. Part of me is grateful for the softer approach. The other part of me is screaming WTF?!?! Seriously?!?!?

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, is the evolution of familial relationships. If you've known me for any length of time, you know I'm quite close to both of my parents. However, with my recent move across town and my increasing focus on my relationship with CGD, it has become a lot more difficult to keep up with the parental units. My sibling is not a very good model by which to assess these things, so I ask you...is it normal to slowly establish a distance between yourself and your parents as your priorities shift? My inclination is 'yes', but having never done this before, I need a second...or third or fourth...opinion. It's not to say you love them any less or are any less interested in their lives and your relationship with them. They're your parents, for cryin' out loud! It just means things change a bit. They focus more on themselves and each other, while you move forward to establish a relationship that, with a little luck and a lot of work, looks a little like theirs in 30 years...am I right?

So those are things that have been on my mind lately. Other than my wanderlust, which has suggested a stint in the mountains of upstate NY sometime soon, life is good. In the world of me, things are groovy and I'm quite content to keep this chapter going for a good long time.

Cheers and Happy 4th!

Settling in....

2009-06-30T14:05:00.005-05:00

It's been a month today since CGD and I moved in together. In that month, we've gotten art on the walls, dishes in the cupboards, sheets on the bed, stolen cars back in the garage, yoga teacher training weekends, and we even managed a road trip to Ohio for his brother's college graduation party!!!
Needless to say, its been a busy busy 30 days. We are still here, however. I'll say its been an adjustment, living with someone I love. You think its no big deal, right? After all, we all grew up living with family members we loved, yes? NO!

Not in the least bit the same thing, so I've discovered! When you were a kid and you got cranky, you went to your room and took a nap. Now, you swallow your tiredness and irritation and tackle the 'to-do' list so you can spend your free time with one another in some semblance of relaxation....or, you don't. If you don't, you fight. If you fight, you feel bad for fighting, and the cycle goes on.

Amidst all that, however, there's a peacefulness in knowing that the fighting will end, the tiredness will go away, and you're off to sleep feeling more safe and secure than you ever have before. I'll have to say, its pretty darn groovy!

Breathe and flow....

2009-06-26T16:56:00.004-05:00